5 Dangers to Avoid in Parenting

“Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” (Col. 3:21)

It is tempting to blame children for our family problems. But Scripture does not allow us to do this. Children bear the responsibility to obey their parents. But God commands parents to raise their children with godly nurture, being careful not to frustrate them. Inestimable damage is done by parents who provoke their children, and cause them to become discouraged.

While specifically addressing fathers in Colossians 3:21, God is speaking to both parents. The word translated, “fathers” is elsewhere used to mean “parents” (Heb. 11:23). Additionally, fathers are spoken to as covenant heads of the families. Fathers are to see that neither parent provokes the children. Fathers cannot stand idly by if their children are being provoked by their mothers.

What Does it Mean to Provoke?    Continue at  William Boekestein

7 Things I’ve Learned When People Leave My Church /

I have been in fulltime ministry now for a little over 3 years.  In all honesty, that is not a lot of time.  I know this.  My wife knows this.  My people know this.  My pastor knows this.  In fact, I had a guy tell me one time that I needed to teach more like John Macarthur and that I will learn how to do it with age and experience.  I have people tell me all the time that they have children my age.  I get pretty interesting stares when I tell first time visitors that I’m one of the pastors.  Oh the joys of being young and trying not to waste it!  In 3 years, I have probably caused 20-30 people to leave our church, scared away several more students, almost fought 2 dudes, and have had “close” friends leave at the drop of a hat.  How’s that for authenticity and realness?  How’s that for a great start to pastoral ministry?  How’s that for being young in ministry?

 

Lately, God has been putting some thoughts on my heart that I want to share concerning this topic.  I am learning, without much fun, how to handle, how to succeed at, and how to love this calling we refer to as pastoral ministry.  You know how it is.  It’s not much fun at times.  And it’s definitely a calling.  What’s more, I want to share some thoughts on this because it seems that we don’t talk about this as much as we should.  Especially as young pastors.  I will be the first to admit that I have much to learn as a pastor; however, I am also bold to admit that many young pastors—like myself at times—are walking around discouraged, feeling incompetent, feeling full of guilt, and feeling attacked by Satan because of the way people have left their church.  I know that I have.

So, here are 7 things I have learned, and am continually learning, when people leave my church:

1.  It’s really hard not to take it personally when people leave.

This is by far the most difficult.  When someone leaves, especially someone close to you, it is hard to not take it personally.  As a pastor (and human), when you find yourself investing in someone, and that someone leaves, it is hard to release them without hurtful feelings.  We are human.  You feel hurt.  Betrayed.  Sold out for the next best thing that pops up in your area, or in your city.  When you are compared—and found lesser— to the latest and greatest Acts 29 gathering, Passion Conference, or Secret Church, then, if not careful, bitterness creeps in.  Don’t get me wrong, I love all of those things, but bitterness is still a real state that the human heart can find itself in if not careful.   Continue at Greg Gibson

Jonathan Edwards on Righteous and Sinful Anger

I know that when the Bible says, “Be anger and do not sin” it is clearly teaching us that there is such a thing as righteous anger. It is referring to that just angry which is a response to the evil of sin in relationship to the holiness of God. I doubt very much that any of us have experienced any act of undiluted righteous anger. In the heart of the godliest saint there is always a principle of selfish desire mingled with holy desire. This is the apostle’s point in Romans 7, and it’s acknowledged to some extent by every believer who knows anything about the sinfulness of their soul. I remember being upset, several years ago, about the sinful actions of an individual in the fellowship of which I was a part. This person’s sin was affecting the congregation on the whole. I went to speak to a friend about what had happened. In the course of our conversation my friend said to me “It sounds like you’re angry because you’re taking this individual’s actions as a personal attack. Instead, you should be more concerned about their sin before the Lord. You should be concerned about their relationship with the Lord.” This rebuke was much needed in my life at that time. There is perhaps no better explanation of, and warning against, the subtlety of sinful anger and how we are cured us of it than that which we find in Jonathan Edwards’ Charity and its Fruits. There we read:

Charity or love, which is the sum of the Christian spirit, is directly, and in itself, contrary to the anger that is sinful; and, secondly, that the fruits of charity which are mentioned in the context, are all contrary to it.   Continue at Nicholas T. Batzig

What the Bible Says About Anger

I suppose it should come as no surprise that the Bible has a great deal to say about anger. Anger is, after all, not only a result of sin but also a common cause of sin. Here is what the Bible has to say:

It is good to be slow to anger. Those who are quick to anger display a lack of wisdom.

 

Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly. (Proverbs 14:29)

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. (James 1:19)

Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools. (Ecclesiastes 7:9)

Anger should be addressed as soon as possible because it can easily turn to sin.

 

The LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.” (Genesis 4:6-7)

You have heard that it was said to those of old, “You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.” But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment …. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. (Matthew 5:21-24)

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger. (Ephesians 4:26)   Continue at Tim Challies

Good and Angry: Four Anger Myths

They may not be many in number, but they do exist: Christians who are thoroughly confused about anger. During counseling, reading, and sermon-listening, four myths have come to my attention repeatedly. Here’s a brief, non-expert—but hopefully thought-provoking—response.

Myth 1: If you don’t let it out, anger will drive you crazy.

This popular notion probably has its roots in Freudian psychoanalysis. Freud’s million-dollar idea (or at least the pop-psych version of it) was that the human subconscious sort of reroutes “repressed” emotions into psychoses that seem unrelated to their causes. Pent up anger can eventually make you think you’ve been abducted by aliens or that people you know and love are afflicted by a strange disease only you know about and that you have to shoot them to cure them. So, to be healthy, we must express not repress.

 This kind of thinking about anger is common in popular film and television. If only the serial killer had openly expressed his anger, he would never have become such a monster. Cue commercial.

Sometimes Christians view anger this way as well. “I just need to vent,” they say.

But if we remove the Freudian assumptions, the idea that it’s healthy to openly express anger looks highly questionable. Is there really a place anger goes to lurk when we’re not feeling it? Certainly our thoughts and beliefs live in memory, but what if anger—and other emotions—really exist only when we’re feeling them?

In any case, if we take an honest, careful look at our own experiences of anger, we find that letting anger loose physically or verbally usually produces more anger, and then more, until an explosion leaves us physically and emotionally exhausted—and not angry anymore. People who indulge anger in this way often believe they’ve done something healthy when, in reality, if they had confronted the angry thoughts earlier in the process, they would have found that the emotion evaporated without any outward expression at all (easier to say than to do, but true, nonetheless).

Some advocates of “venting” nuance the term a bit and recommend physical exercise, etc., as opposed to expressing angry thoughts verbally. In my experience this works, not because anger goes somewhere to be stored, and exercise vents it, but rather because anger exists only as long as angry thoughts are happening to sustain it. Eventually, doing something unrelated breaks our thinking out of the revving-up cycle and the anger fades. This isn’t venting. It’s distraction, and doing crossword puzzles works about as well as beating fists on a punching bag—probably better.  Continue at Aaron Blumer

IMAGE

Let's Talk About Sex

What's happening at Penn State is crushing. It's a lose-lose. These children have already been abused and the way the university is handling the situation and the way the students are reacting only appear to be heaping shame upon shame. It's a time for all of us to grieve for these children and cry out to God for justice. 

However, there is a much larger question at stake: how should what happened at Penn State affect the way we handle reports of abuse in the church? I've seen two solutions so far:

1. we should immediately change our policies whether church or otherwise so that all abuse is immediately reported to the police and then reported to the proper higher ups
2. we should use diligence before proceeding to protect the reputation of those who may be falsely accused.

Justin Taylor offers both perspectives in his article How the Penn State Scandal Changes Our World. I'm sensitive to both for two reasons. I'm sensitive to the first because I am a father of two daughters in a culture where over 66% of people are sexually abused in some fashion. However, I'm sensitive to the second  because we live in our culture of lawsuits and revenge and I personally know of someone who is listed on the sexual predator list because he (over 18) gave someone (under 18) a wedgie. The parents were out for blood because of their sons hurt pride. We must protect our children from sexual abuse and we must protect innocent people from being branded as sexual predators who are not. Both scenarios are grievous offense.   Keep Reading   >>>

When Looking for Pornography…Begin in the Heart

Where would you look to locate the primary problem with pornography? In our culture?

Are you tempted to initially react to the sensual realities of our culture?

You should react!

You should be concerned!

But when you address the porn problem, are you more inclined to begin the discussion with the prevalent, pervasive, cultural, immodesty issues?

Granted it should be part of the discussion.

Certainly it is right to walk our wives and daughters through how to dress modestly.

It is wise to teach them how to help guard the hearts of their male friends, by dressing in an appropriate manner.

However, the way they dress should not be the starting point in the pornography discussion.

Out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks. – Luke 6:45

Jesus began the discussion regarding behavioral sins like porn not with the behavior, but with the heart. In the quote above Jesus tied the behavior (tongue speech) to the heart. He placed the source or the genesis of our sin problems in the heart rather than on the lip.   Keep Reading  >>>

Myths and Facts About Sexual Assault

Myth: Men assault impulsively and out of biological need.

Fact: Sexual Assault is a criminal act of violence, using sex as a weapon.  Men assault to express hostility and to dominate.  Men assault because it allows them to express anger and to feel powerful by controlling another person.  Studies show that 50% of sexual assaults are premeditated and well-planned, not impulsive, spontaneous, uncontrollable sexual acts.

Myth: Sexual Assaults are usually reported.

Fact: Sexual Assault is probably one of the most underreported crimes; researchers estimate that between 50 to 90% of sexual assault cases go unreported.

Myth: Husbands cannot sexually assault their wives.

Fact: Sexual Assault occurs whenever sexual contact is not mutual/consensual, when choice is taken away. Researchers estimate that sexual assault occurs in 10-14% of all marriages.

Myth: Most sexual assaults occur in dark alleys or to hitchhikers.

Fact: Most sexual assaults (60%) occur in a private home and the largest percentage of these assaults (38%) occurs in the victim’s home. The idea that most sexual assaults fit the “stranger-in-a-dark-alley” stereotype can lead to a false sense of security. Keep Reading...

Are You Angry with God?

In our secular society, it is considered therapeutic and acceptable for people to be angry at God. It is said that getting angry at God is part of the healing process when we feel hurt, and that forgiving God is a milestone on the road to recovery.

Any informed Christian understands the blasphemy of such thinking and statements, and yet, even believers struggle with the temptation to be angry at God.

Why do we struggle with anger at God?

People get angry at God because they feel that He owes them something that He did not deliver to them, or, that He allowed some bad thing to happen to them that they did not deserve.

In other words, they think they didn’t receive what they deserved, or, they received what they didn’t deserve.

Both of these lines of thinking presuppose that God has some obligation to them that He did not fulfill. Thus, the anger. Continue Reading>>>

Achan’s Curse and the Cross of Christ

The thought of being stoned for a crime seems barbaric. Stoning Achan’s family and servants, his flocks and possessions, and then burning them seems unconscionable. Is not this evidence that the God of the Old Testament, is not the Christian God of Love, presented in the New Testament Scriptures?
Some would say so. But our revulsion to this event is actually an important emotion for us to ponder. In fact, the wrath and fury of God against sin is bound up in the violent action taken against Achan. And when we think of this event from a redemptive historical perspective, when we look forward to how this story prefigures the work and death of Christ, a glorious picture comes into focus.
Christ’s cross was the place God poured out all his violent anger and fury, for God is a Holy God who cannot tolerate sin, even sin in his covenant people. Ultimately, no one could be completely holy and stay perfectly true to God’s covenant. This is why Jesus came to take our punishment for us. God’s just and holy anger against sin was meted out in full measure upon His own Son! What love and mercy, what amazing grace and pity!
My thoughts were turned in this Christ-o-centric direction by reading a meditation on Achan’s curse from my friend Nathan Pitchford of Psalm 45 Publications. Let me share his concluding paragraph and encourage you to read the whole thing. Read it all HERE

Calvinist Confessions

I am a Calvinist. I love the glorious truths of God revealed in His word. I praise God for His mighty works in creation, redemption, and providence. I live, I trust, for the glory of God in all things.

I am a Pharisee. I shouldn’t be. How can anyone claiming to be a Calvinist living for the glory of God also be a peevish, joyless, and fearful little Pharisee? It’s a shame. But I’m a Calvinist and I’m a Pharisee. Read it all HERE