The Trauma of Abuse and the Blessing of Repentance

Last week, a former youth group leader at Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg, Maryland, was convicted of multiple accounts of sexual abuse of minors. Testimony at the trial confirmed that an elder at the church knew of the abuse and did not report it to authorities. When I read a news report while researching this article, I was struck by this section:

Tears of joy could be heard from victims and their family members as the verdict was read.

"I started crying. It was just, it was overwhelming to know that the struggle, the fight, the 25 years of trying to bring this forward, was worth it,” victim Jeremy Cook, now a married father of three, said.   Continue at Wendy Alsup

Abusers at the Communion Table

I read an article last week written by an abuse survivor on the ramifications for a victim when his/her perpetrator is welcome at the communion table. I had a strong reaction to the article, at first negative and then positive. I think the article raised a good point, and it is valuable to think through the implications from both angles.

First, I can't say in strong enough terms that we have NO GOOD NEWS if we deny repentant abusers a place at the communion table. We might as well pack up our hymnals and Bibles and just go on home. We deny the gospel and suction out every last bit of hope we have in Christ if we do that. I will die a bloody death on that sword. Repentant sinners are WELCOME at the communion table.

However, we must also consider what simple love demands. Love is after all the GREATEST command. We must show consideration to one struggling as a victim in such a circumstance. We must lay down our rights. I have some personal experience that helps me navigate the difference in my first point and my second – the absolute necessity that the gospel not just allows but WELCOMES the repentant abuser to the communion table AND the absolute necessity to love the victim in a way that removes stumblingblocks to faith. Before I was married, my family went through a trial. Without going into detail, we ended up at a different church in our community. We deliberately went there to start over. To rebuild in a new church community, leaving our previous church which included the person who had deeply hurt our family.    Continue at Theology for Women

Rid of My Disgrace

I wish this book had not been written, or more properly, I wish there was no need for this book to be written. I wish there was no such monstrosity in the world as sexual assault. Yet the ugly truth is that sexual assault not only exists, but is all too common. The statistics are shocking, alarming. And therefore, because sexual assault exists and because of its prevalence, I am grateful that Justin and Lindsey Holcomb wrote Rid of My Disgrace. He is a pastor at Mars Hill Church and adjunct professor of theology at Reformed Theological Seminary while she is a deacon who counsels victims of sexual assault; together they are compassionate and theologically-sound, able to provide hope and healing for those who have been victimized.

I do not understand the consequences of sexual assault upon its victims. There were times as a child I came perilously close to being victimized—that school janitor, that older boy. But each time someone or something intervened. I am grateful for my ignorance here. I do not understand how and why this kind of assault impacts its victims at such a deep level and how those consequences can extend through an entire lifetime. But I want to understand as much as I am able. I know so many people who have fallen prey to predators, so many who bear the marks on their bodies and souls. And I want to be able to love them well, to walk with them through their healing. And this is why I read Rid of My Disgrace. This is a book meant to equip all Christians, those who have been hurt and those who know people who have been hurt.   Continue at Tim Challies

Counseling the Hard Cases

Sexual abuse. Schizophrenia. Anorexia. Porn. Postpartum depression. Paralyzing fear. Bipolar disorder. Obsessive-compulsive disorder. Dissociative identity disorder. Addiction. Adultery. Homosexuality.

Soberingly, the list goes on.

Counseling the Hard Cases: True Stories Illustrating the Sufficiency of God's Resources in Scripture, edited by Stuart Scott and Heath Lambert, offers refreshing hope. From beginning to end, the contributors share real-life stories showing how the truths of Scripture can be unleashed to bring help, hope, and healing into the lives of those battling some of the most difficult psychiatric diagnoses.

When facing the messiest issues, does God's Word contain adequate resources for hope and change? Is it sufficient for the hard stuff, too? The testimony of story after story in Counseling the Hard Cases shouts a resounding yes.

I corresponded with Lambert and Scott, professors of biblical counseling at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, about their book, misunderstandings related to counseling, practical advice for ministering to those enslaved by various sins, and more.  Continue at Matt Smethurst

Two Curious IFB reactions to the Schaap Fiasco

I've been waiting to see what some of the IFB reactions would be to the recent Jack Schaap tragedy and two prominent IFB pastors have written their thoughts on the recent events. Both said some things that I took notice of. Bob Gray, the former pastor of Longview Baptist Temple has been a long time loyal disciple of Jack Hyles and Paul Chappell of Lancaster Baptist Church who has over the years kept a distance from Jack Hyles, yet often refers to him in his preaching with terms of endearment. One, Bob Gray who is the most staunchest of Hyles supporters has publically separated himself from his successor's ministry while the other, Paul Chappell, did so very quietly.

Bob Gray said recently on his blog:

 "May I say David Gibbs is also responsible? Why did he not, with his depth of wisdom, pick up the phone and call Jack Schaap and say, "WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?" We out here did! But, then again look what happened to us? We were exiled to the Isle of Patmos!...Why applaud those who did absolutely nothing to stop what Jack Schaap was doing to the church, schools, the college, and independent Baptist churches for these past 11 years...Why not call for the men of the church to come to the altar to start the service with confession and repentance rather than joking about the deacons in attendance as well as the churches attendance? This is no light hearted moment for you! Will there be a "cleaning" of the house or a real "cleansing" of the house. The truth is, it is the responsibility of the membership to ask for an outside man of God to come in and do a thorough "cleansing."

 Bob Gray is partly right, there has been a lot of false teaching that has been allowed to go on and the church needs a total overhaul of all that it has allowed over the years. I think that Gray is totally out to lunch by blaming Schaap's moral failure on his beliefs on the KJV which is totally ridiculous!  Continue at Reforming Baptist

See Also: Particular Pitfalls of Independent Baptists: Performance-Based Sanctification

Sin Wants To Be Your Friend

A friend of mine has been leading a class based on my book The Next Story. He emailed me a couple of days ago to say that he was preparing to teach on “Privacy and Visibility,” two areas where the digital world has brought a great transformation to our lives. Right before he went to teach the class, he came across a sad story of yet another pastor who has destroyed his ministry for the sake of following his lust. It was a pointed illustration of new realities in this new world. It was also an illustration of something that transcends the digital world.

Until Tuesday, Jack Schaap was pastor of First Baptist Church of Hammond, outside Chicago. First Baptist is the largest church in the state with something like 15,000 people attending each Sunday. Schapp’s pastorate came to an abrupt and shameful end on Tuesday.

Jack Schaap had left his cell phone on the pulpit and a deacon had seen it on the pulpit and had picked it up to bring it back to him,” Trisha Kee, who maintains a Facebook group for ex-congregants, told the station. “From what we understand, the deacon then saw a text come through from a teenage girl in the church, and it was a picture of Jack Schaap and this girl making out.

Church officials announced that he had been fired for “a sin that has caused him to forfeit his right to be our pastor.” Schapp has since confessed that he was involved in an affair with a girl of sixteen who had come to him for counseling.  Continue at Tim Challies

See also:

Particular Pitfalls of Independent Baptists: Legalism

Mark Driscoll - Real Marriage

It must be intimidating to write a book on marriage. Store shelves are groaning under the weight of titles that claim to have the key to a happy marriage, or a biblical marriage or a gospel-centered marriage. To rise above such a crowded field a book needs to offer something different, something unique, something that distinguishes it from the pack. Mark and Grace Driscoll have jumped into the fray with their new book Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together and the distinguishing feature of their book is its gut honesty, its sheer vulnerability. The Driscolls invite the reader deep into their own marriage and attempt to answer difficult, intimate questions—what they say are the questions you’d be too embarrassed to ask your pastor.

What Book Is It?

Before I look at the book’s content, I feel that I need to speak briefly about the book as a book. What quickly becomes clear is that Real Marriage suffers from a lack of clear identity, a problem that may stem from what appears to be rushed or otherwise ineffective editing. I point these things out not to be petty but because they effect the final product.

In the first place, there is a kind of sloppiness and inconsistency to the book. One example of this is the way the chapters vary so much in style, some being very personal with others being abstract and coldly statistical; even the inline subheadings can vary from chapter-to-chapter (e.g. italics in one chapter, all caps in the next). There are also factual errors, like when the Driscolls state that Solomon was the child born of David and Bathsheba’s adultery (when, in fact, that child died and Solomon was born later); there are errors in footnoting, like when a footnote contains no reference to what they have stated; there are errors in punctuation where a statement ends with a question mark, and errors in flow where a chapter references things to come that do not actually come.  Keep Reading >>>

Let's Talk About Sex

What's happening at Penn State is crushing. It's a lose-lose. These children have already been abused and the way the university is handling the situation and the way the students are reacting only appear to be heaping shame upon shame. It's a time for all of us to grieve for these children and cry out to God for justice. 

However, there is a much larger question at stake: how should what happened at Penn State affect the way we handle reports of abuse in the church? I've seen two solutions so far:

1. we should immediately change our policies whether church or otherwise so that all abuse is immediately reported to the police and then reported to the proper higher ups
2. we should use diligence before proceeding to protect the reputation of those who may be falsely accused.

Justin Taylor offers both perspectives in his article How the Penn State Scandal Changes Our World. I'm sensitive to both for two reasons. I'm sensitive to the first because I am a father of two daughters in a culture where over 66% of people are sexually abused in some fashion. However, I'm sensitive to the second  because we live in our culture of lawsuits and revenge and I personally know of someone who is listed on the sexual predator list because he (over 18) gave someone (under 18) a wedgie. The parents were out for blood because of their sons hurt pride. We must protect our children from sexual abuse and we must protect innocent people from being branded as sexual predators who are not. Both scenarios are grievous offense.   Keep Reading   >>>

The Tragic Lessons of Penn State — A Call to Action

No one thought it would end this way. Joe Paterno, the legendary head football coach at Penn State University heard of his firing by the school’s board of trustees by phone last night. Just two weeks after achieving the most wins of any NCAA Division One football coach in history, Paterno was fired. His firing — a necessary action by the Penn State board of trustees — holds lessons for us all.

Almost a decade ago, a graduate assistant told Coach Paterno that an assistant coach, Jerry Sandusky, had been observed forcing a young boy into a sexual act in the school’s football locker room showers. Sandusky was himself a big name in Penn State football, and he was considered a likely successor to Paterno if the head coach had retired. Sandusky also ran an non-profit organization for boys, and he brought the boys onto the Penn State campus. He continued to do so even after his own retirement from Penn State’s coaching staff.  Keep Reading >>>

Ireland Ramps up Battle with Vatican over Child Abuse

The Roman Catholic Church regards information learned in confession as completely confidential.

(CNN) -- Ireland stepped up its battle with the Roman Catholic Church over child abuse Sunday, with Justice Minister Alan Shatter vowing to pass a law requiring priests to report suspicions of child abuse, even if they learn about them in confession.

The Catholic Church regards information learned in confession as completely confidential.

But under the law proposed by Shatter, priests could be prosecuted for failing to tell the police about crimes disclosed in the confession box.

Shatter said in a statement through a spokesman last week that priests' failure to report what they learn in confession "has led sexual predators into believing that they have impunity and facilitated pedophiles preying on children and destroying their lives."

The minister's comment to a local radio station Sunday comes after the Vatican rejected Irish accusations that church leaders sought to cover up extensive abuse of young people by priests in Ireland.

Saturday's 25-page statement is the latest development in a row that has seen an unprecedented rift open up between the Vatican and Ireland, a heavily Roman Catholic country.

"The Holy See does not accept that it was somehow indifferent to the plight of those who suffered abuse in Ireland," the statement says.

Rather, it says, the Holy See "devoted considerable attention to the Irish situation," through meetings with Irish bishops and directions given by the Pope to Irish church leaders.  Continue Reading...

Are You Prepared to Minister to Victims of Sexual Assault?

There is an epidemic of sexual assault and the statistics are jarring. One in four women and one in six men are or will be victims of sexual assault in their lifetime. As sobering as the statistics are, they don’t begin to speak to the darkness and grief experienced by these victims. Because sexual assault causes physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual pain, victims need the kind of hope and help that only the gospel of Jesus Christ can provide.

Do you know how to help?

Tragically, many churches and Christians are woefully unprepared to help those who have been assaulted. Worse still, many Christian leaders (including parents) are ignorant of this epidemic because ashamed victims are reticent to simply declare what has been done to them, and untrained leaders do not recognize the signs of sexual assault or know how to inquire lovingly of victims. Keep Reading...

Dealing with Sexual Abuse in the Church: Advice for Pastors

Recent events have sparked vigorous debate regarding the proper handling of sexual abuse in the church. This essay is not an attempt to directly address a specific incident, but it will certainly intersect well-known incidents at points. While I was pastoring, I dealt with a multitude of sexual abuse cases that occurred both prior to and concurrent with my ministry. The list of tragedies included several rapes of teenagers, gang rape, incest, one entire family of five children molested by the father, and bestiality. While I am certainly not the most experienced person in this regard (not by a long shot), I think I have enough experience to contribute to the conversation.

I feel compelled to write this essay primarily for the younger generation of future pastors. Unless a clear message of what is biblical, right and courageous is sounded, I fear that many of them will enter ministry confused, fearful and uncertain of the proper manner of dealing with sexual abuse. I am afraid that many will swallow the weak excuses for leadership that are often given when pastors fail to properly deal with this terrible phenomenon in the church. Too often believers defend obvious failures of leadership, offer weak excuses, or attempt to bury offenses and hope everybody eventually forgets about them. Read the rest HERE and read PART II HERE