50 Shades of Strange

I have not read 50 Shades of Grey, nor do I plan to. The book is a bona fide publishing phenom, but every description I have read is that the story amounts to literary pornography. For that reason, I can’t imagine anything helpful coming from the film version set to be released later this year. I’ll be sitting that one out too. So I have great sympathy for the concerns Aimee Byrd expresses about the reception of the forthcoming movie. 

She writes: Now the trailer is out for the movie. And just this week, I am encountering more shades of strange for a movie that isn’t even releasing until February. I am shocked by some of my mom friends that have posted the trailer on Facebook, tagging some of my other mom friends about the “Mom’s Night Out” they look forward to having in February. Some of these women profess to be Christians. They all have daughters in middle or high school. And sons.   Continue at Denny Burk

Does Struggling with Pornography Disqualify a Pastor from Ministry?

It seemed like just another picture perfect fall day. My grandfather called my teenage cousin and me to go with him for a ride. We loved to spend time with him—especially on road trips. As it turned out, this would be a very different kind of trip. Coughing all along the way, he drove straight to the hospital. While my cousin and I waited for hours, my grandfather was admitted. That was our final road trip. My grandfather died after a brief stay in the hospital.

 

I loved my grandfather. It ached my heart to think: what if he had gone in sooner? Would his doctors have discovered the cancer in time? But men don’t like to go the doctor, do they? We don’t like to admit that we have problems, and we certainly hate confessing that we need help. But acquiescing to the fear of vulnerability and to our culture’s false standard of masculinity (i.e., “I’m a man, I can handle it”) often makes for tragic endings. There’s a lesson in this for all pastors. Living by the motto, “I don’t need help, and I can’t expose my vulnerabilities,” can lead to ministerial death, even when Christ offers abundantly abounding grace to rescue us.

In his classic essay on the dangers of ministry, “The Almost Inevitable Ruin of Every Minister,” Donald Whitney writes that:   Continue at Bobby Scott

7 Good Reasons To Stop Looking at Porn Right Now

There are certain topics I return to on a regular basis and, if you are a regular reader of this site, you know that one of those topics is pornography. I return to it again and again because I see the damage it is doing and I see the despair of those who are caught up in it. My goal for today is simple: I want to give you 7 good reasons you need to stop looking at porn right now.

 

1. The Cost to Your Soul

 

I want to begin here: With the cost to your soul. If you are consumed with pornography and unwilling to put this sin to death, you have every reason to be concerned with the state of your soul. God promises that if he has saved us we will gain new passions and new affections. We will have not only the ability but also the desire to replace sin with holiness, to replace immorality with sexual purity. If you have no sorrow for sin, if you have no real desire for victory, if time and again you recklessly choose your sin over your Savior, you need to ask yourself this: Do I love pornography enough to go to hell for it? If this sin continues to dominate your life, it may stand as proof that you do not have a saving, sin-slaying faith. For the sake of your soul, stop looking at pornography.  Continue at Tim Challies

Why So Many Men Are Addicted to Internet Porn and Video Games

You know the guy I'm talking about. He spends hours into the night playing video games and surfing for pornography. He fears he's a loser. And he has no idea just how much of a loser he is. For some time now, studies have shown us that porn and gaming can become compulsive and addicting. What we too often don't recognize, though, is why.

In a new book, The Demise of Guys: Why Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It, psychologists Philip Zimbardo and Nikita Duncan say we may lose an entire generation of men to pornography and video gaming addictions. Their concern isn't about morality, but instead about the nature of these addictions in reshaping the patten of desires necessary for community.   Continue at Russell D. Moore

But What About Gluttony!?!

Why do conservative Christians make such a fuss about homosexuality and give everyone a free pass—most notably themselves—when it comes to gluttony?

That's a question you hear a lot of us these days and one you should expect to hear again and again, posed in a hundred different ways, in the years ahead.

Why are we asking about gays in heaven when we should be asking if there will be fat people in heaven? How can we say "their" sin of homosexuality is terrible while "our" sin of gluttony is no big deal? Everyone's a biblical literalist until you bring up gluttony. Besides, the Bible contains three times as many exhortations against gluttony than against homosexuality.

How should Christians think about these claims? Well, the operative word in that question is "think." We can't settle for gotcha headlines and arguments that are more slogan than substance. We have to be open to reason, open our Bibles, and think this through.

1. Do we really want to suggest that one sin is no biggie because we've been pretty lax about a different sin? If it's the case that Christians are wrongly intolerant of unrepentant gluttony--or any unrepentant sin--then shame us. Sins separate us from God. When we choose to embrace sins, celebrate sins, and not repentant of sins, we keep ourselves away from God and away from heaven. Continue at Kevin De Young

Protect Your Family with the Skydog

The Internet has become an indispensable resource for the home and family, but every parent has grappled with properly managing and overseeing that resource. We all know the dangers that lurk out there, yet still believe in the value of maintaining access and the necessity of training our children to use it wisely. As the Internet matures, we are gaining some great new tools to help us.

Skydog is designed to help parents manage and oversee their family’s digital lifestyle. It is comprised of two complementary components: a wireless router (to replace your existing router) and an online app (accessible via computer or mobile devices). Between the two of them they offer a powerful and accessible suite of tools.   Continue at Tim Challies

When Women Lust

We all know that men struggle with lust. But what about women? While it's becoming more common to hear of women's struggles with pornography use, many women still perceive that they have the moral high ground over men. Such comparisons don't help because men and women often struggle in different ways.

When a beautiful woman walks in the room or flashes on a screen or billboard, all eyes are transfixed. While men might be thinking about sex, a woman might be thinking, I wonder what it would be like to have such a body? Men want the body, women want the body. They want the body that attracts everyone. Lust can be either a strong feeling of sexual desire, or a strong desire for something.

We know when a man has sinned as he takes the body he wants through indulging in pornography or visiting a prostitute. But what does it look like for a woman to act out on her lust? She cannot take the body she desires to have, so what does she do? For the most part, her sin remains hidden. Still, there are some tell-tale signs of her sin, which I will describe in the first person because I struggle with this too.   Continue at Eowyn Stoddard

Marrying a Man Addicted to Pornography?

In the most recent issue of JBMW, Heath Lambert answers this question: “Should a woman marry a man who has a problem with pornography?” The essay contains much practical and helpful advice, and I commend it to you. Here’s how Lambert begins his answer to the question: 

 

First, the short answer. There is a clear and concise response for a woman wondering whether she should marry a man after discovering he struggles with pornography: no. She should not do it. Marriage is too important and too exclusive to enter into it with a man who is cultivating desires for women beyond the one to whom he is married. You need to be in a relationship with a man who is cultivating exclusive desires for you. That’s the short answer.

Next, the long answer…

Read the rest of Heath’s advice here. Download the rest of the issue here.

5 Lies I Believed When My Husband Was Watching Porn

Before I start, I want to be very clear as to why I believed these lies. I swallowed them hook, line, and sinker because the idol of my heart was my husband and not God.

I required my husband’s approval and looked to him as my compass and guide because of insecurities that I was unwilling to discuss with Christ. It is because of these unrealistic expectations I placed on our relationship that I chased after these lies and accepted them as a reality in my life.

My husband never verbalized any of this, it was purely my own insecurity that led me to believe that if I could only change in some way, I could maintain control of the outcome…this was the ultimate lie.

Before I start, I want to be very clear as to why I believed these lies. I swallowed them hook, line, and sinker because the idol of my heart was my husband and not God.

I required my husband’s approval and looked to him as my compass and guide because of insecurities that I was unwilling to discuss with Christ. It is because of these unrealistic expectations I placed on our relationship that I chased after these lies and accepted them as a reality in my life.

My husband never verbalized any of this, it was purely my own insecurity that led me to believe that if I could only change in some way, I could maintain control of the outcome…this was the ultimate lie.  Continue at April Mabrey

Why Does He Look at Pornography?

One problem that biblical counselors will surely face in their counseling and everyday conversations, regardless of gender, is the addiction and enslavement to pornography. It is not uncommon to hear and meet counselees whose first introduction to pornography happened in their pre-adolescent years of 7-12.

With a problem so prevalent and pervasive in the church, numerous books and articles have been written on the topic. How can biblical counselors contribute to this conversation?

Biblical Counseling Coalition (BCC) member and Association of Certified Biblical Counselor’s Executive Director, Heath Lambert recently authored a book entitled, Finally Free: Fighting for Purity with the Power of Grace which has ably defined and elucidated a gospel-centered approach to fighting the sin of pornography. Additionally, a helpful list of resources has been gathered on the BCC website to equip biblical counselors on this topic as well.

Something I have found personally helpful in counseling with both men and women through this issue is helping the counselee identify what motivates him or her to seek out pornography.  Continue at Jonathan Holmes

How Can I Compare to Women in Porn?

Distraught wife – I don’t watch porn, but I know my husband has viewed it from time to time. The little bit I have seen of these women makes me realize there is no way I can compare to or compete with them. What am I to do with these thoughts?

Even the television bombards my mind with their version of the perfect woman. I struggle with being insecure already, but it becomes worse when I think about how I’m in competition with women who are tens in every way.

Whenever my husband becomes angry with me, the thought goes through my mind that he will bolt for another woman if I don’t meet his needs. Even if he does not bolt, I know he satisfies himself with women who are in a league of their own. What am I to do?

• Backward Porn Addiction: When women draw attention to themselves
• When looking for porn, begin in the heart

In my view many Christian women are in a seemingly impossible situation. The external pressure from movies and television pumps their minds 24/7 about what is perfect. The dream weavers in the entertainment industry have all the tools to deliver titillating and tantalizing candy to the male ego.

Then there is the internal pressure: porn is a major and satisfying player in the male’s fantasy world. This is why the pursuer of porn women does not have to catch a real one. It’s all in his mind.

Fantasy is what makes porn so perfect for the depraved mind. All he has to do is look at the perfect woman through the Internet, while enjoying her with his mind. It’s not about being with her. It’s about thinking he is with her.   Continue at Rick Thomas

The Normalization of Porn Is Not Normal

Carl Trueman has some important reflections on the normalization of pornography in Great Britain, but I think his observations apply to this side of the Atlantic as well. He writes:

 

Internet pornography is probably the number one pastoral problem in the world today. I wonder if it is set to become yet more so: as the social shame dimension passes away, it will be harder to maintain discipline on this issue. The Christian church is currently mesmerized by developments relative to sexuality, not least because these development are couched in the rhetoric of civil rights and have serious legal implications. I wonder if a more serious and lethal internal issue for the church will actually turn out to be pornography. Holding the line on this will probably not come with direct legal and financial penalties attached; but when even The Spectator carries not one but two articles in a single week which assume the harmless normality of porn consumption, the pastoral challenge of preaching and maintaining basic sexual purity in the church is set to escalate beyond our wildest nightmares.

I think Trueman’s suspicions are right on target. The pornography epidemic is an absolute spiritual crisis in the church. Twenty-five years ago, it was normal to hear Christian men confess to one another about their struggles with lust. It was not normal to hear those men confess to a daily diet of hardcore pornography. That has all changed.  Continue at Denny Burk

Pornography: The New Normal

I was fascinated by the reactions last week to the British government's intention of making British customers positively "opt in" to allowing pornography to be part of their internet package.  The idea is ostensibly to protect children from seeing images which may prove harmful.

I read three responses: one an article on the BBC website; and two in my weekly fix, The Spectator.   The first was simply one of those 'I watch porn; I don't like the violent stuff; but hey, the things I watch are harmless recreation' pieces.  The two in The Spectator were, as one might expect, somewhat more sophisticated and, indeed, from the pens of two of my favourite journalists, Rod Liddle and James Delingpole.  

Liddle's argument was that the Tories' policy was more to do with appeasing their coalition partners, the Liberal Democrats; Delingpole's was really about the government overreaching itself in its policing of private behavior, but he did this via the slightly unexpected means of arguing that porn consumption was not simply a male monopoly but was enjoyed also by a large number of women.  Continue at Carl Truman

Porn, Pride, and Praise

According to a study by Covenant Eyes, roughly half of all professing Christian men and one-fifth of all professing Christian women admit to being porn addicts. Other reports indicate the problem could be even more extensive.

Whatever the exact numbers, porn is a problem, a growing problem, and an increasingly accessible problem. 

“The Internet is the crack cocaine of pornography,” says Heath Lambert, author of the forthcoming book, Finally Free: Fighting for Purity with the Power of Grace. Lambert is assistant professor of biblical counseling at Boyce College and teaches at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, Louisville, Kentucky. We asked him about the growing epidemic of pornography in the lives of Christians, and about the roots behind the sin.

The Deep Root of Porn

 

The sin of pornography is directly linked to the sin of pride, he says. 

“At the root of viewing pornography is an arrogant heart that says: ‘I will have whatever I want. And if I want pictures of naked women, I am going to have it. And I don’t care if God doesn’t want it, and I don’t care if my wife doesn’t like it, and I don’t care if I might lose my ministry over it — I am going to look at it.’ And in the moment of temptation, in the moment of the sin, when you dive in, that’s the statement of your heart.   Continue at Tony Reinke

Why Online Pornography is Being Blocked in the UK—and Why It Should Be in the U.S. Too

The Story: Most households in the UK will have pornography blocked by their internet provider unless they choose to receive it, the prime minister has announced.

The Background: According to the BBC, Prime Minister Cameron warned in a speech that access to online pornography is "corroding childhood." The new measures will apply to both existing and new customers. Cameron also called for some "horrific" internet search terms to be "blacklisted," meaning they would automatically bring up no results on websites such as Google or Bing.

He told the BBC he expected a "row" with service providers who, he said in his speech, were "not doing enough to take responsibility" despite having a "moral duty" to do so. He warned he could have to "force action" by changing the law and that, if there were "technical obstacles," firms should use their "greatest brains" to overcome them.

Why It Matters: Imagine that as part of their mail delivery service, the USPS delivered to your mailbox an unlimited supply of free drugs, ranging from oxycodone to heroin. You could take the drugs out or leave them untouched, but they would always be there for you or any other member of your family. While you can't opt out of the service, people who don't want access to the drugs could attach a lock that prevents them and their family from picking up the narcotics when they collect their electric bill and postcards. But the postal service would always ensure that, without the postal customer taking preventive measures, the drugs were always ready and waiting for them.   Continue at Joe Carter

Is my Boyfriend’s Porn a Marriage Deal-Breaker?

Desiring God ministries has a podcast called “Ask Pastor John,” in which John Piper fields difficult questions about life, ministry, and whatever. In the most recent episode he answers a query that has to be one of the most pressing question facing young women today: “Is my boyfriend’s porn a marriage deal-breaker?” Because of the internet, pornography has become pervasive and common among young men. It seems sometimes that there’s hardly anyone who hasn’t been hooked by it. So more and more women—even Christian women—must grapple with this question as they consider marrying.

 

Ask Pastor John: “Is my boyfriend’s porn a marriage deal-breaker?”    Continue at Denny Burk

Lil’ Wayne, Pepsi and Twisted Sexuality

Last month, Pepsi Co. broke ties with the rapper Lil’ Wayne over controversy stemming from a song released on his most recent album titled “Karate Chop.” In the tune Wayne describes beating a woman in a sexual act until part of her body “looks like Emmitt Till.”

Till was a young African American killed in Mississippi in 1955. Originally from Chicago, he was visiting relatives for the summer. At some point, Till allegedly whistled at a white married woman named Carolyn Bryant who proceeded to tell her husband of Till’s actions. Her husband, Roy Bryant and a friend, J.W. Milam proceeded to track Till down, nab him at gun point and drag him to a barn where they beat him mercilessly before shooting him in the head. The men then threw Till’s body in the Tallahatchie river where it was discovered by some boys fishing a few days later.

Till’s mother was so distraught and outraged that she had her son’s body transported to Chicago where she insisted Emmitt be given an open-casket funeral. His mother’s wishes were carried out and Till’s partially decomposed and grossly disfigured face was displayed at the service. The incident was published in the paper along with the photo of Till’s swollen corpse.

The men who murdered Till were later acquitted and the case became one of many that fueled the civil rights movement in America.   Continue at Ryan Rindels

IMAGE

Desecration and Titillation

Pornography is ubiquitous today; addiction to pornography, especially among men, is equally widespread. Young men are often introduced to pornography long before they are able to understand what it is and what it means. Many a young man's first awakening to sex and sexuality is by exposure to pornographic sex and nudity. This is sadly, increasingly, the case with women as well.

Some Christians can take a kind of refuge in the fact that so many others share in the struggle. "We are all in this together" can minimize the weight of it. Yet the ubiquity of porn and porn addiction does nothing to lessen the horror of it. I want to ask you a question. But not quite yet. Read on…

Desecration and Titillation

 

There is an inescapable consequence to the fact that human beings bear the image of God: there is nothing God values more than human beings. Bearing God's image is an extraordinary privilege and brings with it extraordinary worth. Jesus asked, "What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world but forfeits his soul?" If you were to accumulate the wealth of Bill Gates and add to it the wealth of Solomon, you would barely be scratching the surface of the value of a soul, of a person. Wealth will fade. It will rust and decay and be lost. People are eternal. When all of that wealth is gone, the soul will live on.

God says there is nothing in all creation he values more than human beings. And if this is true, there can be nothing more abhorrent to God than the desecration of human beings. There is nothing that displays greater spite toward God than destroying what he considers most significant. As man rejects being made in God's image, there necessarily follows a culture of death and desecration.    Continue at Tim Challies

John Piper – The Deepest Cure to Our Pitiful Addictions

How Then Does the Knowledge of the Supremacy of Christ (Opened to Us by the Gospel) Guide and Guard and Govern Our Sexual Lives?

How does it make our sexuality sacred, satisfying, and Christ-exalting? Of all the ways this works, I will mention only two.

First, knowing the supremacy of Christ enlarges the soul so that sex and its little thrills become as small as they really are. Little souls make little lusts have great power. The soul, as it were, expands to encompass the magnitude of its treasure. The human soul was made to see and savor the supremacy of Christ. Nothing else is big enough to enlarge the soul as God intended and make little lusts lose their power.

Vast starry skies seen from a mountain in Utah, and four layers of moving clouds on a seemingly endless plain in Montana, and standing on the edge of a mile-deep drop in the Grand Canyon can all have a wonderfully supplementary role in enlarging the soul with beauty. But nothing can take the place of the supremacy of Christ. As Jonathan Edwards said, if you embrace all creation with goodwill, but do not embrace Christ, you are infinitely narrow. Our hearts were made to be enlarged by Christ, and all creation cannot replace his supremacy.     Continue at CrossQuotes

9 Things You Should Know About Pornography and the Brain

[Note: The following contains a frank, though non-graphic, discussion of pornography addiction. Parents are therefore cautioned to examine the material themselves before sharing it with children or teenagers.]

"Because the human brain is the biological anchor of our psychological experience, it is helpful to understand how it operates." says William M. Struthers, associate professor of psychology at Wheaton College. "Knowing how it is wired together and where it is sensitive can help us understand why pornography affects people the way it does." Here are 9 things you should know about pornography affects the brain.

1. Sexually explicit material triggers mirror neurons in the male brain. These neurons, which are involved with the process for how to mimic a behavior, contain a motor system that correlates to the planning out of a behavior. In the case of pornography, this mirror neuron system triggers the arousal, which leads to sexual tension and a need for an outlet. "The unfortunate reality is that when he acts out (often by masturbating), this leads to hormonal and neurological consequences, which are designed to bind him to the object he is focusing on," says Struthers. "In God's plan, this would be his wife, but for many men it is an image on a screen. Pornography thus enslaves the viewer to an image, hijacking the biological response intended to bond a man to his wife and therefore inevitably loosening that bond."   Continue at Joe Carter