Seven Ways to Hurt Your Pastor

If you really want to hurt your pastor, then this blogpost is for you.

 

This past week alone, I had conversations with dozens of pastors. These pastors love their churches and the members. They are really committed to their callings.

But they are real people who can really be hurt.

The pastors I spoke with this past week shared with me seven common themes of the things that hurt them the most. So, if you really want to hurt your pastor, follow these guidelines carefully.

1. Criticize the pastor’s family. Few things are as painful to pastors as criticizing their families, especially if the criticisms are related to issues in the church.
2. Tell the pastor he is overpaid. Very few pastors really make much money. But there are a number of church members who would like to make the pastor feel badly about his pay.
3. Don’t defend the pastor. Critics can be hurtful. But even more hurtful are those who remain silent while their pastor is verbally attacked. Silence is not golden in this case.   Continue at Thom S. Rainer

Ten Fears of Church Leaders

I have not hidden my love for pastors and other church leaders. And I have said and written on many occasions that these church leaders often have a very difficult work. In fact, I recently told a large gathering of seminary students to consider very seriously their calling. No one should enter the ministry unless the calling is clear and secure.

As I converse and hear from church leaders across the country and beyond, I often hear of their challenges and fears. We all know that God has commanded us not to fear but, in our humanity and sinfulness, we do lapse into fear. I certainly did as a pastor, and I still succumb to that sin today.

So what are the most common fears of church leaders today? Here are ten I hear often, listed in my perceived order of frequency.

1. Fear of critics. Leading a church means the leader will have critics. Sometimes the criticisms become so frequent that it seems easier not to lead. For pastors and other church leaders, the steady inflow of negative comments becomes emotionally, spiritually, and physically draining.   Continue at Thom Rainer

3 Tips for Responding to Criticism

Criticism is inevitable. At certain times we will all face another person’s analysis or rebuke of our behavior. The best kind of criticism comes from friends, from those who know us and love us best. “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy” (Proverbs 27:5-6). In his little book True Friendship, Vaughan Roberts offers three tips for responding to criticism, and especially this kind of criticism—the kind that comes in the context of friendship, of iron sharpening iron.

Expect It

We should expect criticism. We should expect criticism because we are sinful, so far from the holiness God requires and so far from the holiness we desire. If anything we ought to be surprised that we receive so little criticism.   Continue at Tim Challies

Eight of the Most Significant Struggles Pastors Face

Before me are handwritten notes that I took over a few weeks from various social media interactions, emails, and a few phone calls. The total is nearly 200 separate communications to me. I kept a record of them for one simple reason: I wanted to identify the greatest pain points of pastors today.

In many ways, there are no surprises. Indeed, I doubt most of you will be surprised at my findings. If nothing else, it is a good reminder of how we can help our pastors, and how we can pray for them. Of course, you will quickly see that they are not mutually exclusive. They are listed in the order of frequency I noted.

1. Criticism and conflict. I do have a few observations about this number one issue. First, it seems to be growing, and pastors seem to be experiencing greater challenges. Second, most of the issues of conflict are not doctrinal issues. Indeed, most are trivial issues. Finally, very few pastors are equipped and trained to deal with the steady stream of critics and crises.    Continue at Thom Rainer

The Strange Glory of Ordinary Things

Clyde Kilby was born September 26, 1902. He may have been my most influential teacher when I was in college. But then again it may have been Stuart Hackett. Kilby was a romantic — like C. S. Lewis. Hackett was a rationalist — like C. S. Lewis. One taught literature, the other taught philosophy. One taught me to see with the eyes of a poet. The other taught me the ubiquitous relevance of the law of non-contradiction.

I thank God for both of them. I believe what they saw was right and wise. But Kilby went deeper, I think. That’s not a criticism of the philosopher. It’s a statement about who we are as human beings. We are meant to reason because God is rational. And we are meant to rejoice because of the glory we see. But the reason serves the rejoicing. The thinker and analyzer in us is meant to protect the poet and lover.

On this his birthday I thought you might like to taste the joyful healthfulness of Kilby’s soul. On October 22, 1976, he gave an unforgettable lecture at First Covenant Church in Minneapolis. I went because I wanted to hear, after eight years, the man who taught me to look at trees.

That night he pled with us to stop seeking mental health in the mirror of self-analysis, but instead to drink in the remedies of God in nature. He was not naïve. He knew of sin. He knew of the necessity of redemption in Christ. But he would have said that Christ purchased new eyes for us as well as new hearts.    Continue at John Piper

How To Criticize A Preacher

So you’ve heard a sermon and you’re not happy. You feel the preacher got it badly wrong in either his interpretation, his words, his manner, his length, his whatever.

What now?

Well, I’m not going to tell you exactly what words to use. I’m simply going to give you ten questions to ask that I hope will produce the right words and the right way to say them should you ever have to offer criticism to a preacher.

1. Have I understood him correctly? Give the preacher the benefit of the doubt. Ask yourself, “Am I putting the worst possible construction on this?” Perhaps check with your husband or wife, “Did I hear this correctly…?”   Continue at David Murray

Pastoral Ministry: A Sure Way to Be Dishonored

This does not excuse the disrespectful things that congregants say. Such disrespect is a pernicious evil that we can leave for another day. At this point, please be encouraged that you are experiencing some of the natural overflow of the sufferings of Jesus, which means you are honored. Those who dishonor you are the ones who will be called to account.

Here is one reason you must be called to pastoral ministry: the people you love will not love you back—at least some of them will not love you back. They will say utterly horrible things about you, so you better be sure you want to do this. It is one thing to be dissed by the world around you; it is something else again to be demeaned by your own church family while you are pouring your heart out for them.

Personal Attacks

This is the worst feature of pastoral ministry. Every pastor, unless he is surrounded by others who shield him from criticism, has dozens of heart-breaking stories. Take the example of the pastor who receives anonymous weekly letters from a congregant who claims to be speaking for many others when she writes, “I pray every day that you would leave the church.” The letters are all cut out from magazines so they have that creepy look of a murder threat.   Continue at Ed Welch

Five Types of Critics in the Church

All pastors and other church leaders have their critics. No leader in the church can escape the sting of criticism. Indeed, dealing with critics is one of the great challenges pastors have in ministry.

Though the pain of criticism cannot be removed, it can be handled constructively. One way to deal with the issue is to make every effort to understand the mindset of the critic. In doing so, church leaders can respond redemptively and pastorally. Take a look at these five types of critics.

1.  The constructive critic. This person really wants what’s best for you and the church. He or she does not have a personal agenda or vendetta. Most have prayed about talking to you or writing you before confronting you. The best response is to listen, discern and, if necessary, make changes. The challenge is that it is often difficult to discern the voice of constructive words in the cacophony of other criticisms.

2.  The negligent critic. This person makes an offhand comment and does not think much of it. He does not realize that his words really stung you. He truly was not making the issue a personal matter. In my own leadership position, I have made critical comments that I did not realize were so hurtful. And I would have never known my error unless others had told me. It is likely that if you let these critics know of your hurt, they will be both surprised and remorseful.

3. The hurt critic. Pain is pervasive in our world, and church members are not exempt from it. From their pain, these critics often lash out at pastors in moments of deep frustration and anger. Unfortunately, pastors are often the most visible and convenient targets for the hurt and angry critic. If pastors can discern this mindset of these critics, they should have a twofold response. First, they shouldn’t take the criticism personally. Second, they should make every effort to respond with compassion, concern, and love.   Continue at Thom Rainer

Exchanging Fear for Fear

Why is the fear of the Lord the beginning of wisdom? Because the end of folly is the love of the praise of men. Or to say the same thing in a different way: there is no sin so prevalent, so insidious, and so deep as the sin of fearing people more than we fear God.

Think of Saul, that tall Benjaminite who became the first king of Israel. His downfall was the result of misplaced fear. As he explained to Samuel after the whole business with the bleating sheep, “I have sinned, for I have transgressed the commandment of the Lord and your words, because I feared the people and obeyed their voice” (1 Sam. 15:24). Here’s this powerful, impressive looking king worried about what people think of him. And it’s not his enemies the Amalekites he’s worried about. Except for Agag, they were all dead. Saul wasn’t afraid of his enemies; he was scared of his friends—afraid that they would desert him, afraid they would revolt, afraid he would he be an unpopular King.  Saul was a head taller with more authority than anyone in the kingdom and yet he disobeyed a clear command from God because he feared people. He was the Lord’s cautionary tale for Proverbs 29:25 (“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe”) and a preview of Christ’s indictment in John 12:42-43 (“but for fear of the Pharisees they did not confess it, so that they would not be put out of the synagogue; for they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God”). Saul is but one of many sad examples of those who counted it more precious to be acceptable and palatable and influential in the eyes of their peers, than to be honored and affirmed and found faithful in the sight of God.

It’s easy to see how foolish Saul was, but each one of us struggles with the same fear of man and love of the praise of man.

• Do you struggle with peer pressure?  Do you give in to things against your will just to go along with the crowd?  That’s the fear of man.  And it doesn’t get any easier when you get older.  Adults just find more creative ways to mask it and more socially acceptable ways to channel it.  We don’t set things on fire as much.  But we still feel peer pressure when gossip starts, or a raunchy movie is on, or bad mouthing someone begins.

• Are you over-committed?  Is it impossible for you to say no? Could be a sign that you love to be loved by others.   Continue at Kevin DeYoung

On Constantly Taking Your Church’s Temperature

That voice in your head that keeps rehearsing the disappointments and flaws of your church is not from the Lord. It is the accuser, helping you get to the “I have no need of you” forbidden in 1 Corinthians 12:21. We may have legitimate concerns about our church’s maturity, its repentance, its effectiveness, or its “personality,” and there is certainly a place for sharing concerns and criticisms, a biblical call to honest appraisal, and plenty of space for exhortation and rebuke, but many claiming to do these things have shifted to a legal measuring none of us really has the authority for. Here is what Dietrich Bonhoeffer says in Life Together about looking at our churches through the lens of scrutiny:

If we do not give thanks daily for the Christian fellowship in which we have been placed, even where there is no great experience, no discoverable riches, but much weakness, small faith, and difficulty; if on the contrary, we only keep complaining to God that everything is so paltry and petty, so far from what we expected, then we hinder God from letting our fellowship grow according to the measure and riches which are there for us all in Jesus Christ.

This applies in a special way to the complaints often heard from pastors and zealous members about their congregations. A pastor should not complain about his congregations, certainly never to other people, but also not to God. A congregation has not been entrusted to him in order that he should become its accuser before God and men. When a person becomes alienated from a Christian community in which he has been placed and begins to raise complaints about it, he had better examine himself first to see whether the trouble is not due to his wish dream that should be shattered by God; and if this be the case, let him thank God for leading him into this predicament.  Continue at Jared C. Wilson

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Where has Critical Appreciation Gone?

The death of John Stott has led to a veritable flood of accolades and uncritical adulation over the last few months. A recent example was the memorial service for him at Wheaton College which raised a number of questions in my mind. One was the issue of what Stott himself would have thought of it. I never met him but he seems to have been a modest and unassuming man by all accounts; it was thus probably a relief to him not to have to be there and listen to the hyperbolic claims being made for him and his ministry by others.  We can presumably assume that one who did not live for the praise of men during his lifetime is probably not too bothered about it afterwards either. 

 

The second question, or perhaps better, observation, was why the art of critical appreciation seems to have disappeared from the culture of the modern world, especially the modern evangelical (for want of a better term) world.

Even as I write, I have just been passed an article from USA Today in which Stott is described as one of the Christian church's `most universally beloved figures.'  Only an American could have written that.  Back home in Britain, Stott was a more ambiguous figure, great man though he undoubtedly was.  Like all great men, his faults were as dramatic as his virtues, from his conscientious objection to war service in World War II to aspects of his theology to his ecclesiastical strategy.   Keep Reading >>>

Young, Restless, Reformed: "Hip, Hip, Hurrah!" or "Bah Humbug!"

Young, Restless, Reformed is “a journalist’s journey with the new Calvinists.” Collin Hansen, an editor for Christianity Today describes the contemporary resurgence of Reformed theology, particularly among young evangelicals. The book consists largely of interviews with young people who have been drawn to Calvinism and the leaders whom God has used to foster the resurgence. In particular, Hansen devotes the bulk of his attention on the ministries of John Piper, Albert Mohler, C. J. Mahaney, and Mark Driscoll. He also devotes one entire chapter to the renewed interest in a dead pastor-theologian, Jonathan Edwards. Moreover, Hansen highlights important events such as The Passion Conference, Together for the Gospel, and New Attitude, as well as college campus ministries like Reformed University Fellowship, Campus Outreach, and University Christian Fellowship. My purpose is not to provide an extended review of the book. Several such reviews can be googled online. Instead, I’d like to reflect briefly on some of the responses to the book, especially from those within the Reformed camp.

Most responses to the book have been overwhelmingly positive. The back cover features accolades from the well-known blogger Tim Challies, author Jerry Bridges, NT scholar Donald Carson, and church historian Douglas Sweeney. When I posted this blog, there were 31 reviews in Amazon.com, 29 of which give the book 4 to 5 stars. After a thorough review, British Reformed Baptist Erroll Hulse queries, “Criticisms?” and tersely responds, “No!” The only weak spot Tim Challies finds is that the book’s “focus is more on today than on yesterday and tomorrow.” He wishes Hansen would have given a bit more time on “how this movement grew” and on “where it might be going.” Challies concedes, however, that the author’s narrow scope probably precluded such an analysis.   Keep Reading >>>

The Elephant in the Elephant Room

One of the more recent entries to the conservative Christian conference line-up is the Elephant Room, the brainchild of James MacDonald. The idea was to bring Christian leaders together for some brotherly sparing over “elephant-in-the-room” issues. Pleased with the results of the first conference in March 2011, they’re prepared for the second in January 2012. This Elephant Room “Round 2” is being promoted like a prize fight: “Your ringside seat awaits,” and “You know the rules…No wavering. No Sidestepping. No excuses.”

MacDonald recently lit up the blogosphere when he invited T.D. Jakes to join ER2. Does he really intend to extend the boundaries of Christian brotherhood to a well-known anti-Trinitarian modalist, prosperity preacher? MacDonald received a fair bit of well-deserved criticism and, rather than rethinking his decision, he dug in his heels and defended it. He doesn’t think Jakes is still a modalist. Jakes is still a’ comin’ to ER2.

(Stir up a little controversy, you get instant publicity and free promotion. You gotta admit, it’s kinda clever.)

I’ve very much appreciated the thoughtful criticisms posted by Thabiti Anyabwile, Carl Trueman, and Phil Johnson. At some point, you should read those posts; they are instructive on many levels.

But I’d like to go back to Round 1 of the Elephant Room and the video Mark Driscoll posted on his website. That particular session was about the place of culture in the church, specifically asking whether or not it was a good idea for Perry Noble to open his 2010 Easter service with AC/DC’s blasphemous song, “Highway to Hell.” (No, I’m not kidding.) Evidently, that’s how Perry and his peeps “engage the culture.”    Keep Reading >>>

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So You Want to Be a Senior Pastor

Looking back on seminary I often wonder why I was not better prepared for certain experiences that have been pivotal in pastoral ministry. There was never a class on how to deal with ministry jealousy. No one ever warned me that it would be tempting to wish I had another man’s gifts, ministry opportunities, and recognition. Furthermore, there were no classes on spiritual warfare. In fact, I don’t remember anyone telling me to expect spiritual warfare. There were no lectures that addressed the fact that as I grew clearer about the gospel, I would become a bigger target for the evil one. And there were no syllabi regarding what it would mean for an associate pastor to transition into ministry as a senior pastor.

A recent edition of the 9Marks e-journal focused on the life and perspectives of a senior pastor versus an associate pastor. The articles were very helpful, but one set of questions were not addressed: What should you expect of the transition from associate pastor to senior or lead pastor? How are the roles different? How can associate pastors prepare as they think and pray about being a senior pastor one day?   Keep Reading...

50 Characteristics of a Pharisee

This is teaching given by Zac Poonen in 2004.  Many of us need to listen or watch this teaching. We have many Pharisees in the land that show not the love of Christ of which I was an active participant. The outline was pulled from sermonindex and at the end I have links to the audio or video versions of this three part series.  Many of us need to repent as we have let a spirit of condemnation and judgment lead us astray.  Without love we are just clanging gongs and of no use to the kingdom of God. 

CHARACTERISTICS of PHARISEE’S” – Zac Poonen.

We are going to be thinking of the same theme through these 3 days, led by the spirit and not by the law. Jesus was in conflict with the Pharisees most of the time. Pharisee-ism is one of the leavens Jesus warned about Mark 8 Matthew 16. The Pharisee had all their doctrine correct and talked of holiness. The Herodians were the opposite they were worldly like modern “worldly Christian’s”. They can listen to sermons and go home and watch smut on TV. The third group was the Sadducees. They don’t believe in the miraculous. They didn’t believe in angels or the super-natural and spiritual. These are 3 groups of Christians. It is interesting to see he was always falling out with the Pharisee’s. They were the ones who crucified Jesus. Which group do you fall into. The Pharisee’s are the worst type of Christian on the earth. We need to understand the characteristics of the Pharisees. It must be that God wants us to know. I am personally in more danger of becoming a Pharisee than the others. We need God to open our eyes. I am going to go through the gospels. The spirit of the Pharisee is against the Holy Spirit. I have sought over the last few years to find the Pharisee in me. God gives you light on yourself. If you are not getting insight into the light in your life God is not blessing you. God wants to clean you. Keep Reading...

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“Loving Our Pastors”

Pastors are imperfect; that much should be obvious. However, the attitude of some Christians toward their pastors leaves us wondering whether those three words are as plain as one would think. While pastors, like all of us, share in Adam’s fall, they have the particular challenge of having their faults on display week-by-week as they stand in a pulpit or as they minister amongst their flock. Pastors are public people and, sadly, public scrutiny comes easily and regularly. Church members should be particularly sensitive to this when they offer opinions, solicited or otherwise, about their pastor’s ministry.

Regretfully, some pastors make easy targets and bear the brunt of some of the most frivolous criticism. While all pastors should be open to constructive critique—indeed they should welcome it for the ministry’s sake—they are not deserving of the back-biting, nit-picking and any other hyphenated wounding that they regularly undergo. Keep Reading...

How to Benefit from Criticism

Nobody likes criticism! We want to be accepted and affirmed, and we don’t want to be told that something that we are doing is wrong. However, criticism is a fact of life. The question isn’t whether we will face criticism, but rather in how we deal with it. Does it make us critical or bitter, or do we examine ourselves, looking for areas that need attention in our lives? How we perceive, face and handle criticism can reveal a lot about the state of our hearts. It reveals our pride and our idols, things we look to for comfort – things we worship instead of God. David Murray, professor at Puritan Reformed Seminary and blogger at Head Hand Heart has the following  great advice on how to deal with criticism:

Four steps to avoid

Reject: without a moment’s thought you simply dismiss the criticism, minimize it, and move on


Retaliate: again, often without even a pause, you attack the attacker or criticize the critic


Resent: while you may seem to accept what was said, you inwardly seethe and bitterly brood

Resign: you just give in, give up and run away

Four steps to follow  -  Keep Reading...

10 Keys to Being A Healthy Pastor

1. Let God restore your soul daily.

• Psalm 23.  Matthew 11:28.

• Worship.  Prayer.  Solitude.  Listening.  Bible reading.

Averill quote: I pray for you to know the REST of Jesus in all things.  The enemy will deceitfully persuade you that you have many things to accomplish in order to keep things running.  I am all too aware of this temptation.  Simplicity in Christ leads us to only one thing to do- let Christ do it.

2.  Give your marriage priority attention.

• A bad marriage ruins the rest of life.  (Remember the Proverbs.)

• A good marriage fortifies you for the rest of life.

• Is your home a tunnel of chaos or an oasis of rest? Keep Reading...

Why Pastors Should Value Sermon Feedback from their Wife

I don’t think anyone especially enjoys criticism. At least not initially. Pastors are no different. After all, we get our fair share, we don’t want criticism from our wives too.

Or do we?

The pastor’s wife is his closest friend. She knows his weaknesses and his strengths. Therefore, she is uniquely qualified to be the pastor’s greatest proponent as well as his best critic.

Let me get real practical and transparent. Awhile back I preached a sermon that I knew was not my best. I felt a bit disjointed and unclear. It was a homiletical dud. I knew it and so did my wife. She quietly bid her time and then I asked the dreaded question. “How do you think things went today? Was I clear?” She looked back and said, “I had a hard time tracking.” From there she gave me her thoughtful review.

At that point I didn’t want to hear it. I would have rather talked about crafts, jewelry, cloth diapers or Martha Stewart. Anything would have been better than hearing my wife land body-blow after body-blow on my freshly preached sermon.

Why was I so resistent? Because I value her opinion and I want to deliver quality sermons.

But what I missed was that this was precisely the reason why I should be listening to her in the first place! The heart is tricky and pride runs deep.

In light of this, I want to give a few reasons why pastors, particularly preaching pastors, should listen to their wife’s sermon feedback.

1. She Loves You: We forget this sometimes, especially when we are feeling so extra sensitive. The bottom line here preachers, your wife probably has your best interests in mind. She is not out to filet you, she wants you to get better. Because she loves you and wants the best for you, you owe it to her to listen to what she says. Keep Reading>>>

Signs You Are Growing in Grace

There are a handful of folks on Twitter whose updates I happen to “favorite” all the time, and one of them is Scotty Smith.  About a month ago, he did a little series on “signs you’re growing in grace.”  I’ve compiled them here for your benefit.  I love how practical and earthy they are.  The gospel goes everywhere.

A sign you’re growing in grace is less bombast about not being a legalist & more humility because you “get” the gospel.

A sign you’re growing in grace is less theological arrogance & greater appreciation for diversity in the Body of Christ. Read the rest HERE