More on Spiritual Abuse

Last week I spoke to Bob Kellemen about the difficult subject of spiritual abuse. We worked toward a definition of the term and looked also at what shouldn’t rightly be classified as abuse. I had more questions and Bob was kind enough to answer them (and, in my opinion, to answer well). Here’s the rest of our discussion. I hope this helps people who are suffering spiritual abuse or who are wondering if that is what’s going on at their local church.

TC: How are we to react to genuine spiritual abuse? Is this a time to begin a web site to expose abuse? Is this the time to leave a church?

BK: I want to address that question in a two-fold way: how do we respond to spiritual abuse internally—in our own hearts, and how do we respond to spiritual abuse “externally”—in our relationship to the person hurting us, in relationship to the church, and in relationship to the wider Christian community. 

Internally, I always encourage the person who is experiencing spiritual abuse to step back and seek the help of a trusted, objective third party. We discussed in our first post the fact that the term “spiritual abuse” can be misused or misapplied so we don’t have to respond to loving confrontation from a spiritual authority. As a counselor, I try to raise this possibility to the person in a loving, kind, supportive way. The last thing they need is to sense that the “victim is being victimized.” Still, it’s vital to have someone help you to assess what is actually occurring.    Keep Reading...

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A Theology of Spiritual Abuse

I'm not sure theology is the right term. I'm not sure spiritual abuse is the right term. But there is something big rocking conservative evangelicalism right now, and it centers around the abuse of authority by leaders in the Church. I know there is “nothing new under the sun” (Ecc. 1:9), and a cursory look at Church history confirms that to be true, especially on the issue of spiritual abuse. So whatever name we want to give to the abuse/oppression/injustice we see in the 21st century Church carried out by its spiritual leaders, I want to understand the transcendent principles at play according to Scripture. For lack of a better phrase, I'm going to call it a theology of spiritual abuse.

In its most basic sense, abuse simply means to misuse. It's using something inappropriately. And in the spiritual sense, it is using an authority, role, or task given by God in unrighteous ways. It is mis-using spiritual authority . Can non-authorities in the Church abuse spiritually? I guess so. They certainly can hurt people. But I'm going to leave out of this discussion inappropriate actions by Christians without particular spiritual authority. So if your sister was a legalistic jerk to you, that's not relevant to this particular discussion because Scripture does not set her up as an authority over you. Parents can certainly spiritually abuse, but I'm going to save them for another day as well. Instead, I want to examine non-familial spiritual authorities – in particular, pastors and elders.

(Edited to note I am NOT talking about issues of sexual or physical abuse by clergy. While that is certainly spiritual abuse, it is also blatantly illegal activity that puts it into an entirely different category in terms of response. For the purposes of this post, I am talking about the misuse of spiritual authority that does not get into illegal behavior.)      Keep Reading...

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