Feelings Emotions: Biblical and Unbiblical Ways to Handle Our Feelings

Note from Bob: You’re reading Part 4 of a blog mini-series on emotions. For Part 1, read Emotions: Fearfully and Wonderfully Made. For Part 2, read Emotions: Why Do We Feel What We Feel? For Part 3, read Emotions: Gone Bad and Mad.

Stuffing Our Feelings: Over-Controlled Emotional Suppression 

For most people, especially us as Christians, “spearing of emotions” seems like the worst possible scenario. Additionally, many Christians seem to assume that the opposite extreme is actually a healthy emotional response: “stuffing our feelings”—over-controlled suppression of our feelings. That’s not the biblical approach to healthy, Christlike feelings. 

The psalmists model how to handle our feelings maturely. The psalmists faced their feelings face-to-face with God, candidly and boldly shared their feelings with God, and they soothed their soul in their Savior God.

Instead of being like the psalmists, many times as Christians we think we are supposed to be like Mr. Spock of Star Trek fame. He tried to repress his emotions, deny them, if he could, eradicate them. And we try to live without pathos, without passion and feeling, thinking somehow that this is the Christlike way to manage our moods.   Continue at Bob Kellemen

More on Spiritual Abuse

Last week I spoke to Bob Kellemen about the difficult subject of spiritual abuse. We worked toward a definition of the term and looked also at what shouldn’t rightly be classified as abuse. I had more questions and Bob was kind enough to answer them (and, in my opinion, to answer well). Here’s the rest of our discussion. I hope this helps people who are suffering spiritual abuse or who are wondering if that is what’s going on at their local church.

TC: How are we to react to genuine spiritual abuse? Is this a time to begin a web site to expose abuse? Is this the time to leave a church?

BK: I want to address that question in a two-fold way: how do we respond to spiritual abuse internally—in our own hearts, and how do we respond to spiritual abuse “externally”—in our relationship to the person hurting us, in relationship to the church, and in relationship to the wider Christian community. 

Internally, I always encourage the person who is experiencing spiritual abuse to step back and seek the help of a trusted, objective third party. We discussed in our first post the fact that the term “spiritual abuse” can be misused or misapplied so we don’t have to respond to loving confrontation from a spiritual authority. As a counselor, I try to raise this possibility to the person in a loving, kind, supportive way. The last thing they need is to sense that the “victim is being victimized.” Still, it’s vital to have someone help you to assess what is actually occurring.    Keep Reading...

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Depression and the Ministry, Part 5: Facing Depression with Christ

Editor’s Note: The following is part five of a five-part series on depression and the ministry. The series is a joint effort of the Biblical Counseling Coalition and The Gospel Coalition.

• Paul Tripp, Part 1: The Setup
• Garrett Higbee, Part 2: Occupational Hazards
• Steve Viars, Part 3: A Ministry Sabbatical
• Jeremy Lelek, Part 4: The Need for Wise Disclosure

Solution-Focused or SOUL-u-tion-Centered?

In ministering to ministers, near the end of our first meeting a pastor will often ask me, “How will I know when I’m ‘cured,’ when I’m ‘better’? What will ‘recovery’ from depression look like?”

In one sense, that’s a good question because it’s a hopeful question. In another sense, it’s not always the most helpful question. It can fit all too well with the typical pastoral persona of “Get it done. Let’s fix it now!” That question may have more in common with the world’s idea of solution-focused brief therapy than with God’s plan for SOUL-u-tion-centered lifelong growth in Christ.

Of course, it would be unwise to ignore the question, and it would be heartless to insist that “You’re always going to be like this—get used to it.” But it would also be disingenuous to imply that full “recovery” is guaranteed this side of heaven. Keep Reading...