What’s Wrong with Our Women

We don’t have a hard time thinking of men as depraved. After all, they are responsible for the vast majority of violent crime.

• 90% of murders
• 98% of sexual assaults
• 93% of armed burglaries
• 88% of simple assaults

That’s stunning. And it might reasonably lead you to think that men are more evil, and therefore more guilty and needy before God. But the trustworthy word of God teaches us otherwise.   Continue at Marshall Segal

Why God Loves People Who Hate Each Other

The church is filled with lots of dangerously different people. 

There are rich and poor, old and young, male and female. We have families with fifteen children and fifty-year-old unmarrieds. There are Republicans and Democrats, executives and janitors, athletes, artists, and teachers. And the differences get even deeper — American, African, Asian, Latin, and Middle Eastern.

Not to mention our personalities — outgoing and shy, bold and meek, patient and ambitious, emotional and unaffected, rational and relational. There’s no mystery why the Bible has so much to say about stress, conflict, and reconciliation between believers. How could there not be friction in a family like ours?   Continue at  Marshall Segal

The Centerpiece of Sunday Worship

What really moves you on Sunday mornings?

There are a lot of potential answers to that question. Maybe the music is enough to get you out of bed. The old hymns have always resonated deeply with you, or the church’s worship band is consistently finding creative and compelling ways to put enduring truth to a new tune.

Or it could be a dynamic, engaging preacher, someone you could listen to for hours and hours at a time. Maybe he has an unending library of personal stories and illustrations that connect with you over and over again, or he’s a genuinely friendly, caring man that spends lots of intentional time loving his family and flock.

It might be the fellowship. There are few things better than worshiping with your family and friends. They know you best, so you can be yourself. They care about you, so you can trust them. For many, the biggest draw is spending time with other believers you know and love.   Continue at Marshall Segal

As Cool As the Other Side of a Calvinist

If you know Calvinists, you probably know some bad ones. The stereotypes aren’t fair, but they don’t come out of nowhere. Calvinists are “cold,” “heady,” and “condescending.” They think they have it all figured out and everyone else is blind, slow, or stubborn. They’re so lost in their books, they’re not interested in the needs around them. And they’ve somehow misplaced Christ, but are quite content to follow John Calvin. Unfair, but not uncommon enough either.

But what if there’s another side to Calvinism — a real side, with flesh and love and humility and a living, breathing passion for Jesus? We’re not doubting you’ve had bad experiences with so-called Calvinists, but whether the experiences you’ve had are really examples of true Calvinism. If all your encounters have been bad, or others’ stories so off-putting they’ve kept you away entirely, we ask you to give us just four minutes with this video above. It’s the poet himself reading, with subtitles so you can follow the words carefully. (There is also a version with multiple readers which we released last week.)

The poem is an opportunity to hear from a man, who has lived these truths, and lived by them, for more than forty years. But more importantly it’s an invitation to meet his big, sovereign, gracious God — a God big enough for the hard things you face in this life, big enough to make sense of a long, old, complex book like the Bible, and big enough for everyday life in a broken world.    Continue at Marshall Segal

It’s Not You, It’s God: Nine Lessons for Breakups

Some of a single person’s darkest days fall after a breakup.

You risked your heart. You shared your life. You bought the gifts, made the memories, and dreamed your dreams together — and it fell apart. Now, you’re back at square one in the quest for marriage, and it feels lonelier than square one, and further from the altar, because of all you’ve spent and lost.

No one begins dating someone hoping to break it off someday. The wiring in most of us has us longing for the wedding day. We’re looking, sometimes it feels frantically, for love, for affection and security and companionship and commitment and intimacy and help. After all, God seems to want most of us to be married (Genesis 2:18; Proverbs 18:22; 1 Corinthians 7:2, 9). But that sure hasn’t made getting married easy.

The Pain of Intimacy Without Matrimony

The reality is that good, Christ-exalting relationships very often fail before the ceremony, never to be recovered romantically. The pain cuts deeper and lingers longer than most pain young people have felt in their lives. I feel it deeply even typing these words. It’s one of the hardest things for me to write or speak about: the pain of intimacy that fell short of matrimony.

Breakups in the church are painful and uncomfortable, and many of us have or will walk this dark and lonely road. So here are nine lessons for building hope and loving others when Christians end a not-yet marriage.   Continue at Marshall Segal

For Those Feeling Forgotten

Some of the greatest disappointments in our relationships are made in the moments our memories fail us. No one enjoys being forgotten, especially by those we love most.

Your memory is one of the most powerful and fragile things about you. When it’s good, you can surprise the 64-year-old birthday boy or be there to celebrate ten years in with the not-so-newlyweds. When it’s bad, you forget your coffee appointment with a co-worker or your daughter’s dance recital or the last item on your wife’s grocery list.

Forgetfulness hurts. We’ve all been forgotten and know the pain of expecting someone to remember — to show up, call, write, ask, make time — and coming up empty and alone. If they really cared, they would’ve remembered, right?

Someone Who Can Relate

Joseph, the prized son of Jacob and the eventual ruler of Egypt, was forgotten when he needed to be remembered most. He’d been sold into slavery by his brothers, then slandered into prison by Potiphar’s wife.

While in prison, Pharaoh’s cupbearer and baker are arrested and jailed (Genesis 40:1). Both were suspected of crimes against Pharaoh himself and are facing almost certain death. They know no one crosses the most powerful person in Egypt and lives to tell about it.   Continue at Marshall Segal

When the Not-Yet Married Meet: Dating to Display Jesus

Dating is dead.

So says the media. Girls, stop expecting guys to make any formal attempt at winning your affections. Don’t sit around waiting for a boy to make you a priority, communicate his intentions, or even call you on the phone. Exclusivity and intentionality are ancient rituals, things of the past, and misplaced hopes.

I beg to differ. It’s not that this new line of thinking is necessarily untrue today, or that it’s not the current and corrupt trend of our culture. It’s wrong. One of our most precious pursuits, that of a life-long partner for all of life, is tragically being relegated to tweets, texts, and Facebook pokes, to ambiguous flirtation and fooling around. It’s wrong.

Dating That Preserves Marriage

There is a God. And this God created and rules his world, including men, women, the biological compulsions that bind them together, and the institution that declares their union and keeps it sacred and safe. Therefore, only he can prescribe the purpose, parameters, and means of our marriages.

If fullness of life could be found in sexual stimulation, or if it was just a matter of making babies, the “forget formality and just have sex” approach might temporarily satisfy cravings and cause enough conception. But God had much more in mind with romance than orgasms or even procreation, and so should we. So must we.

When people in the world are expecting less and less of each other in dating, God isn’t — so among the single we have to work harder in our not-yet married relationships to preserve what marriage ought to picture and provide.

Mom, Where Do Weddings Come From?

Nothing in my life and faith has been more confusing and spiritually hazardous than my pursuit of marriage. From far too young, I longed for the affection, safety, and intimacy I anticipated with a wife.    Continue at Marshall Segal