When Pastors Give the Sex Talk

This is the last topic I thought I would ever address in a public forum, not least in a published book. But alas, God opens doors and calls us through them. So here I am, encouraging my fellow pastors to make sure---even if you're no longer serving in youth, university, or young adult ministry---to keep your sex talk fresh, handy, and well thought out.

A little more than a year ago I was a college pastor. The topic of dating, purity, and romance seemed to be an ever-present area of commentary, question, and struggle. (Many of my former students are smirking right now, thinking that I am the one who kept bringing it up.) As I prepared to teach a series on romance, dating, and marriage, I was taken aback by the lack of theological depth among evangelicals on this topic. Many books and essays (on the left) properly noted that dating cannot be found in the Bible, but then wrongly concluded that therefore the Bible has nothing conclusive to say on this topic.

Alternately, many (on the right) offered strong convictions defended by sordid statistics, pragmatic concerns, and plain old legalism. Where was the gospel? While I did note several good treatments on the practical "how to's" of dating and maintaining sexual purity, I noted a dearth of articles and books that dealt with the topic from a theological, gospel-rooted perspective. I also found that many pastors hesitated to get any more specific about sexual boundaries than telling Christians not to have sexual intercourse before marriage. Such lack of clarity left unanswered the age-old question: How far is too far?  Continue at Jay Thomas