I believe the life of a Christian is a life of fighting. We fight against sin and temptation. We wage a spiritual war against everything that exalts itself against the knowledge of God.
But it wasn’t until I found myself in my weakest condition that I had
to fight the most intense battles of my Christian life. It was
frightening? I was too weak to fight, but this was when God called me to
fight in raging battles.
My temptations were stronger, but my spirit was weaker. The Devil
often accused me as a guilty sinner and one of weak faith. I struggled
with crippling doubt concerning my own work, and was I fearful in all
ministry contexts. I was anxious before preaching beyond a healthy fear
that should be upon all who preach the word of God. I was uncertain
after every message and meeting that I had done well. Most of the time I
felt I was a failure, even when everything pointed to success. Even
though I was certain of my calling I was equally certain of my frailty,
which led me to a level of uncertainty about myself in every other area.
I knew I was called, but was I still called to remain
where I was? Perhaps I had done all that I could. This was terrifying,
for there is no other place I want to be than serving my church.
This pressing anxiety was ever-present. It was literally hard to
breathe. This drove me deeper into prayer and dependency on Jesus, but I
found only small measures of comfort and relief after extended time in
prayer. Or, when God’s grace to seemed to calm all storms in my heart,
it only lasted for hours. Continue at Joe Thorn
