You Shouldn’t try to Forgive Yourself

One of the more interesting teachings that has crept into the Christian community is this idea of self-forgiveness.

Forgiving myself is the standard way it is talked about.

I’m not exactly sure how it became such an effective teaching in mainstream Christian consciousness, though I do have a pretty good idea where it came from.

Its roots are in the self-esteem movement as taught by our secular culture.

Only a person who is pursuing a high self-esteem would be tempted to think along the lines of self-forgiveness.

What I mean is this:

Typically a person who believes he needs to forgive himself has sinned in some way–hence the need for forgiveness.

All sin requires forgiveness in order to be free from it. We’re good so far.

However, rather than the self-forgiver seeking forgiveness from God alone, he believes that he needs something more–something in addition to God’s forgiveness. While he may think about and even know that God will forgive him of his sins, he also believes his personal forgiveness of himself is required too.

“Yes, God has forgiven me, but I can’t forgive myself for what I did,” is a typical response.

This is a major heresy because it adds to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Because of this it must be repudiated. Whenever we add anything to the Gospel, it mocks and marginalizes the work of Christ and it must be rebuked.

• Christ’s forgiveness of myself + my forgiveness of myself = heresy
• Christ’s forgiveness of myself + my acceptance of His forgiveness = forgiveness

But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed. As we have said before, so now I say again: If anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you received, let him be accursed. – Galatians 1:8-9 (ESV)  Continue at Rick Thomas

The Cross Frees You From Trying to Forgive Yourself

In my recent post entitled God Doesn’t Want You to Forgive Yourself, I argued that the concept of “forgiving yourself” is not only unbiblical but counterproductive to growing in your faith.  In this follow-up, I wanted to address the pain and guilt that leads people to feel like they must forgive themselves even though they know God has already forgiven them.

What I do appreciate about encouraging hurting people to forgive themselves is that there’s a recognition that something is not right.  If after you’ve confessed your sin to God and to others you still feel a paralyzing guilt, an ingredient is missing.  But if that ingredient isn’t forgiving yourself, then what is it?

A passage from Matthew’s gospel I think gives us a good answer.  Matthew 9:1-8 is the famous story of the paralytic who was brought by his friends to Jesus in the hopes that he would be healed:

…And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, ‘Take heart, my son; your sins are forgiven.’  And behold, some of the scribes said to themselves, ‘This man is blaspheming.’  But Jesus, knowing their thoughts, said, ‘Why do you think evil in your hearts?  For which is easier, to say, “Your sins are forgiven, or to say, “Rise and walk?”  But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins’ -he then said to the paralytic- ‘Rise, pick up your bed and go home.’ And he rose and went home.  When the crowds saw it, they were afraid, and they glorified God, who had given such authority to men.

What exactly is going on here?  Continue at The Tenth Leper

I Can't Forgive Myself

Initially I can appreciate why forgiving yourself might seem like a good idea. For instance, if I was driving drunk and accidentally killed another person, I think I would find the guilt unbearable. . . . I can see why it might seem necessary for me to forgive myself before I could move on with my life.

But this is why I can’t go there. Forgiveness requires both a victim and an offender, and so to forgive myself means that I am playing both roles. And so a part of me is allowed—even required—to play the victim for something that I did. But I shouldn’t get to play the victim, for I am the offender in this case. If I forgive myself, then I am asserting that I, like the person I killed, am a victim of my sin.

So rather than say that I must forgive myself, I think I should say that I must receive God’s forgiveness. His forgiveness matters more than mine anyway, and receiving his forgiveness reminds me that my proper and only place in this matter is the offender.

If you think my position is too harsh, imagine that someone has deeply wounded you. When they come to ask for forgiveness and reconciliation, what would you think if they said, “I need you to forgive me, and then I need to forgive myself.” Wouldn’t you be insulted? Wouldn’t you reply that after what they did, they don’t get to play the victim? That they are in no way the innocent party here?   Keep Reading >>>

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