Flattery Can Kill

She was a well-dressed middle-aged woman. She arrived early at one of my first services as senior pastor of Gages Lake Bible Church. Immediately my "new person" radar went up. All pastors have this sixth sense, but for young, first-time, small church pastors it is always at the highest levels of alert.

I walked up to her and briefly chatted before the service began. I learned that she had driven a great distance and had listened to a few of my sermons online before deciding to check us out.

After the service I purposely singled out the new lady (we'll call her Rose). Rose was overflowing with compliments. "Wow! I haven't heard preaching like that in a long time. You're a breath of fresh air in this community." I offered some preacher speak like, "No, it's all God."

But inside my heart was dancing the two-step. Rose's flattery seemed a balm to my restless soul. Pastoring was new to me, and I was pretty insecure about my preaching. I had yet to find my voice. Here was a seasoned believer whose opinion mattered to me. She'd probably been attending church longer than I'd been alive.

The flattery continued. "You're the only church in this area that preaches the true gospel message." I was pretty sure this wasn't at all true, but I let that go. Why spoil a good thing? Maybe every other evangelical pastor in town embraced a full-throated heterodoxy. I had yet to develop relationships with any other local pastors, so her assessment seemed as good as any.  Keep Reading >>>

What Not to Say to Single Women in Your Church

After reading yesterday’s post I received an email from a woman with some suggestions on what not to say to single women in your church. I thought her comments rang true and were well written. She gave me permission to post them here.

“I keep praying for someone to come along for you.” Thanks for your prayers. I hope someone comes along too. Instead of praying for that, why don’t you pray that I would be growing in Christlikeness so that if Mr. Wonderful walks into my life, I would be better suited to be a helpmate for him.

“I don’t know why no young man hasn’t scooped you up and carried you off yet.” I know this is supposed to be a compliment and that the intention of the kind woman is to tell me that she thinks I’m worth marrying. I appreciate that you think so highly of me. Unfortunately when you say this I immediately try to answer the question of why no one has carried me off. Am I too much of one thing and not enough of another? Do I not look right? Am I too soft spoken or too loud? What do I need to change about myself since obviously something is wrong with me if I haven’t been taken off the market? Maybe I should go read Proverbs 31 again to figure it out.   Keep Reading  >>>    

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