What To Say To Church Members Leaving for Poor Reasons

Let’s face it: there are better and worse reasons to leave a church. Are you moving to another city? That’s a good reason. Are you harboring bitterness toward someone who has offended you? That’s a bad reason. Does the church neglect to preach biblical sermons weekly? A good reason. Do you not like the church’s style? Probably a bad reason.

The question is, how should you respond to a fellow member who is leaving for what sounds like a bad reason?

The question raises a number of tough theological issues, such as how far the authority of the church extends, or how much weight should be given to cultural preferences. There are also difficult pastoral issues, such as knowing how to differentiate between a bruised reed and a fool.

But let me see if I can pack some of that theology into the form of practical counsel. Here are some bad ways to respond to such a situation, combined with better responses:

Bad response: “Oh.” This is the non-response. This is the “I don’t care” or “I need your approval so I’ll say nothing” response. I’m not saying that it’s never right to keep your mouth shut. I’m just saying that fear-of-man or the failure-to-love should not be what’s motivating you to say nothing.

Better response: “Why are you leaving? Can I help you think through it?” Love takes an interest and asks questions. Love recognizes that we’re responsible for the discipleship of our fellow members, and it investigates. Love does not fear having people not like you. It’s willing to ask the awkward question or offer the risky counsel for their good.   Keep Reading >>>