How a Dad Loves a Prodigal

My dad and I are really close. In fact, we're so close that I worked for him doing all of his bookkeeping for the year before my twins were born. I loved talking to him nearly every day, especially since he lives so far away from me now. But we weren't always so close.

I was once a prodigal daughter.

For nearly two years I ran from my parents, family, and the Lord. I liked sin and liked living in sin. Talking to my dad (and mom) meant conviction, and I wanted nothing to do with it. If you peered through the window of my past you would have seen that I perfectly fit the profile of the son in Luke 15:11-32. I was wild, impulsive, and opposed to authority on every level.

A quick survey of the families in your church would probably reveal that many have or had children who in some way have strayed from the faith of their upbringing. Parenting is hard work with no real guarantee of the outcome. While every situation is unique and has its own challenges, one thing is certain—prodigal children need to know they are loved. And my parents made sure of that.   Continue at Courtney Reissig

It’s Not You, It’s God: Nine Lessons for Breakups

Some of a single person’s darkest days fall after a breakup.

You risked your heart. You shared your life. You bought the gifts, made the memories, and dreamed your dreams together — and it fell apart. Now, you’re back at square one in the quest for marriage, and it feels lonelier than square one, and further from the altar, because of all you’ve spent and lost.

No one begins dating someone hoping to break it off someday. The wiring in most of us has us longing for the wedding day. We’re looking, sometimes it feels frantically, for love, for affection and security and companionship and commitment and intimacy and help. After all, God seems to want most of us to be married (Genesis 2:18; Proverbs 18:22; 1 Corinthians 7:2, 9). But that sure hasn’t made getting married easy.

The Pain of Intimacy Without Matrimony

The reality is that good, Christ-exalting relationships very often fail before the ceremony, never to be recovered romantically. The pain cuts deeper and lingers longer than most pain young people have felt in their lives. I feel it deeply even typing these words. It’s one of the hardest things for me to write or speak about: the pain of intimacy that fell short of matrimony.

Breakups in the church are painful and uncomfortable, and many of us have or will walk this dark and lonely road. So here are nine lessons for building hope and loving others when Christians end a not-yet marriage.   Continue at Marshall Segal

For Those Feeling Forgotten

Some of the greatest disappointments in our relationships are made in the moments our memories fail us. No one enjoys being forgotten, especially by those we love most.

Your memory is one of the most powerful and fragile things about you. When it’s good, you can surprise the 64-year-old birthday boy or be there to celebrate ten years in with the not-so-newlyweds. When it’s bad, you forget your coffee appointment with a co-worker or your daughter’s dance recital or the last item on your wife’s grocery list.

Forgetfulness hurts. We’ve all been forgotten and know the pain of expecting someone to remember — to show up, call, write, ask, make time — and coming up empty and alone. If they really cared, they would’ve remembered, right?

Someone Who Can Relate

Joseph, the prized son of Jacob and the eventual ruler of Egypt, was forgotten when he needed to be remembered most. He’d been sold into slavery by his brothers, then slandered into prison by Potiphar’s wife.

While in prison, Pharaoh’s cupbearer and baker are arrested and jailed (Genesis 40:1). Both were suspected of crimes against Pharaoh himself and are facing almost certain death. They know no one crosses the most powerful person in Egypt and lives to tell about it.   Continue at Marshall Segal

Is my Boyfriend’s Porn a Marriage Deal-Breaker?

Desiring God ministries has a podcast called “Ask Pastor John,” in which John Piper fields difficult questions about life, ministry, and whatever. In the most recent episode he answers a query that has to be one of the most pressing question facing young women today: “Is my boyfriend’s porn a marriage deal-breaker?” Because of the internet, pornography has become pervasive and common among young men. It seems sometimes that there’s hardly anyone who hasn’t been hooked by it. So more and more women—even Christian women—must grapple with this question as they consider marrying.

 

Ask Pastor John: “Is my boyfriend’s porn a marriage deal-breaker?”    Continue at Denny Burk

When the Not-Yet Married Meet: Dating to Display Jesus

Dating is dead.

So says the media. Girls, stop expecting guys to make any formal attempt at winning your affections. Don’t sit around waiting for a boy to make you a priority, communicate his intentions, or even call you on the phone. Exclusivity and intentionality are ancient rituals, things of the past, and misplaced hopes.

I beg to differ. It’s not that this new line of thinking is necessarily untrue today, or that it’s not the current and corrupt trend of our culture. It’s wrong. One of our most precious pursuits, that of a life-long partner for all of life, is tragically being relegated to tweets, texts, and Facebook pokes, to ambiguous flirtation and fooling around. It’s wrong.

Dating That Preserves Marriage

There is a God. And this God created and rules his world, including men, women, the biological compulsions that bind them together, and the institution that declares their union and keeps it sacred and safe. Therefore, only he can prescribe the purpose, parameters, and means of our marriages.

If fullness of life could be found in sexual stimulation, or if it was just a matter of making babies, the “forget formality and just have sex” approach might temporarily satisfy cravings and cause enough conception. But God had much more in mind with romance than orgasms or even procreation, and so should we. So must we.

When people in the world are expecting less and less of each other in dating, God isn’t — so among the single we have to work harder in our not-yet married relationships to preserve what marriage ought to picture and provide.

Mom, Where Do Weddings Come From?

Nothing in my life and faith has been more confusing and spiritually hazardous than my pursuit of marriage. From far too young, I longed for the affection, safety, and intimacy I anticipated with a wife.    Continue at Marshall Segal

How Far is Too Far?

Everyone has had to ask or answer the question at one time or another: When it comes to the physical component of a dating relationship, how far is too far? Can we hold hands? Can we kiss? Can we do a little bit more than kiss? Should we even explore the physical relationship a little bit to ensure we are compatible?

I am accustomed to giving the easy answer: "It's not about how far can we go, but how holy we can be. You are asking all the wrong questions!" That may make me feel smart and a little bit godly, but it's not exactly a satisfying or helpful answer.

In their book Sex, Dating, and Relationships: A Fresh Approach, Gerald Hiestand and Jay Thomas offer an answer. They are aware of the long history of legalistic answers and the many slippery slope or fear-based approaches that have more to do with avoiding sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancies than pursuing holiness. They do not want to create a new law, but draw out an implication of the deepest meaning of marriage. They are convinced that the Bible offers us exactly the answer we are looking for. How far is too far? "Contrary to popular opinion, the Bible does speak with clarity--objective clarity--about what is physically appropriate between an unmarried man and woman in a pre-marriage relationship."

They premise their answer on the fact that the marriage relationship, and hence the sexual relationship, is meant to be a portrait of the relationship of Christ and his church. (Click here to read about the gospel and marriage.) In that way they begin not with law but with gospel.    Continue at Tim Challies

Facebook Makes Us Miserable

Just about everyone has joined Facebook. And just about everyone has since considered giving it up. There are all kinds of studies today telling us how much time Facebook is sucking—700 billion minutes between the lot of us every month. That’s a lot of time. But when you divide it 500 million ways it doesn’t seem quite so bad. That’s not why most of us have considered giving it up. 

There are studies telling us how Facebook is invading our privacy and selling our personal details to advertisers. That’s annoying, but not reason enough to quit.

The reason so many of us have considered giving up on Facebook is that it makes us miserable. A recent paper in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin looks at a series of studies involving how people evaluate moods—their own and those of others. The study itself is not as interesting as the implications. What the study found is that people tend to underestimate how dejected other people feel and that this in turn increases a person’s own sense of unhappiness. Put otherwise, we all believe that others have better lives than we do and this makes us feel bad about ourselves. That’s strangely significant.  Continue at Tim Challies

Kristen’s Story: True Freedom

In this post you’ll meet Kristen–a woman who bought into the idea that it’s liberating for women to be sexually aggressive, powerful, and free. Kristen viewed sex as a stepping stone to a deep, meaningful relationship, happiness and fulfillment. But that didn’t happen. Eventually she realized that what she thought she controlled, actually controlled her. Her choices set her on a downward spiral into addictions, promiscuity and the sex trade. It wasn’t until Kristen relinquished the right to set her own moral compass, and turned to the age-old wisdom of the Bible – becoming a Girl Gone Wise rather than a Girl Gone Wild – that she discovered true freedom and joy.

The Bible talks about people being slaves to sin, and I know of no other way to describe my former life than one of utter spiritual imprisonment. I called myself a Christian, but I wasn’t concerned about doing things God’s way. I was the god of my life. I felt free to do as I pleased. My attitude, my speech, my relationships, my clothing and my body language all screamed one thing: “I MAKE THE RULES!”

I thought I was free to do what would make me happy, but rejecting God’s way set me on path that only led to deeper and deeper bondage. I tried to fill my desires with men and sex. When one guy disappointed me, I looked for another one.  I was driven by the lie that said, “You can fix this with more of that.”    Continue at Kristen’s Story

5 Questions Wives Should Not Ask Their Husbands

Recently  there was a great little post about 5 questions husbands should ask their wives. Good questions.

Of course I starting thinking about what kind of questions we wives should ask our husbands, but more than that, I immediately thought of questions we should not ask them. Here are five questions a wife should never, in my opinion anyway, ask her husband. (And if you already have, I hope you just laugh at yourself now that I bring it up and not get mad at me.)

#1 Do you think I am fat?

What a terrible question! You should figure out the answer yourself by looking in the mirror or checking the scale, because if he says, ” Yes, dear, you are a little pudgy,” he’s automatically in the doghouse. How insensitive! If he says,”No” (like a good husband should), he may still be in trouble if you think he might be  fudging. Other questions in this category include, “Do I look old? Am I ugly?” Ugly? No. Stupid? Yes.

#2 Do you think Susie (or Sandy or Sally) is attractive?

If he says, “Yes, she’s gorgeous,” then what? Most of the time the next question is, “Do you think she’s prettier than I am?” Now we have gone from bad to worse! Now he’s in an impossible situation, and you are being way too self-absorbed. But if he hems and haws (“Well, I’m not really sure. She’s kind of pretty I think…”) then you’ll be tempted to think he’s not being honest. What possible good can come from having this conversation?   Continue at Nancy Ann

Fellowship and Conversation

When the Lord first blessed me with an opportunity to teach regularly at one of Grace Church’s home Bible studies, I spent some time thinking and praying about what I’d wanted to teach on as I began my time with that wonderful group. Eventually, my heart was inclined to teach something on fellowship, because a home Bible study is a place where life is lived out together in community, a place where we can spur one another on to love and good deeds (Heb 10:24-25), and to encourage one another as long as it is called “Today,” so that none will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin (Heb 3:12).

What comes into your mind when you hear the word “fellowship”? Friends? Interesting and inspiring conversations? Sharing a meal, or having a snack with someone? How about the time of a church service or Bible study where the teaching is officially over and everyone gets to just hang out?

As I prepared to teach on what the Bible had to say about fellowship, I looked up the instances of the word koinonia in the New Testament. Interestingly, I found that the New Testament usage seemed to have very little to do with what I thought about when I heard the word “fellowship” used. It spoke about:

• Relationships between believers (Acts 2:42; 1 John 1:3, 7)
• Contributing and sharing resources (Romans 15:26; 2 Corinthians 8:4; 9:13; Heb 13:16)
• Fellowship with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 1:9; 10:16; 1 John 1:3, 6; 2 Corinthians 13:14; Philippians 2:1)
• Participation and Partnership (2 Corinthians 6:14; Galatians 2:9; Philippians 1:5, 6; 3:10)   Continue at  Mike Riccardi

How Far is Too Far? (Part 3)

Earlier this week, Gerald Hiestand expressed the need for pastors and ministry leaders to develop a more thought-out premarital sexual ethic. Research shows that only 20% of Christians remain abstinent prior to marriage. As evangelicals, we are often ready to take a necessary stand on homosexual ethics, yet the issue of heterosexual purity is compromised for nearly 80% of us. And so we want to begin a conversation that may feel offensive, overly conservative, or at a minimum, uncomfortable. Nonetheless, we think it’s an important one to have. We encourage you to begin by reading Gerald’s post and How Far is Too Far Part 1 and part 2 for an introduction to this series of posts.

How far is too far? Perhaps this is the wrong question, but it’s one that is asked nonetheless. Gerald Hiestand and Jay Thomas give a thought provoking answer in Sex, Dating, and Relationships. What does it mean to adhere to the New Testament’s vision of sexual purity? Here’s a short excerpt:

Don’t eat the cake.

Imagine that a man comes home from work one evening to find that his wife has baked a cake. As he walks into the kitchen, she sees him eying the cake and explicitly states, “Don’t eat that cake; it’s for our party this evening.” He nods in understanding, and she leaves the kitchen. As soon as she leaves, he cuts himself a large slice and places it on his plate. And then, bite by bite, he chews the cake and spits it back onto his plate. Having thus chewed the entire piece (but not swallowed, mind you), he scrapes the chewed piece back into the empty space on the cake tray. At this moment his wife walks back into the kitchen and looks at him in horror. “What are you doing?!” she exclaims. “I told you not to eat the cake!” He looks at her calmly and says with an assuring voice, “And indeed I have not. You see, dear, I define eating as ‘swallowing.’ And since I didn’t swallow the cake, I didn’t eat the cake. In sum, I did not have eating relations with that cake.”   Continue at Crossway

How Far is Too Far? (Part 2)

Earlier this week, Gerald Hiestand expressed the need for pastors and ministry leaders to develop a more thought-out premarital sexual ethic. Research shows that only 20% of Christians remain abstinent prior to marriage. As evangelicals, we are often ready to take a necessary stand on homosexual ethics, yet the issue of heterosexual purity is compromised for nearly 80% of us. And so we want to begin a conversation that may feel offensive, overly conservative, or at a minimum, uncomfortable. Nonetheless, we think it’s an important one to have. We encourage you to begin by reading Gerald’s post and How Far is Too Far Part 1 for an introduction to this series of posts.

WHAT CONSTITUTES SEXUAL RELATIONS?

How far is too far? Perhaps this is the wrong question, but it’s one that is asked nonetheless. Gerald Hiestand and Jay Thomas give a thought provoking answer in Sex, Dating, and Relationships. What does it mean to adhere to the New Testament’s vision of sexual purity?

Nearly all Christians who take the Bible seriously will acknowledge that sexual activity should be reserved for marriage. And it’s doubtful that anyone—Christian or not—would really try to make a case that oral sex and fondling are not sexual activities. So the line is pretty clear as far as those activities are concerned. But what about kissing? Many (perhaps most) Christian dating couples regularly engage in passionate kissing.

Answering the kissing question is not as difficult as one might think. Clearly some forms of kissing are nonsexual; we kiss our children and our mothers. But there are some forms of kissing that we reserve exclusively for our wives. And the reason we do so is precisely that those forms of kissing are sexual.  Continue at Crossway

What Every Pastor Must Hear and Confess

If your ministry relationships will be healthy in God's sight, you must commit to intentionally planting good seeds into the soil of those relationships. This will take understanding, commitment, discipline, and perseverance. Galatians 5:13ff is very helpful here. Paul delineates this relational lifestyle this way: "Serve one another in love" (Genesis 5:13). Then he says something startling: "The entire law is summed up in a single command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" If you had written the words, "The entire law is summed up in a single command," what would you have written next? I would have written, "Love God above all else." But, shockingly, that is not what Paul writes. Instead he says, "Love your neighbor as yourself." How does love of neighbor summarize all that God calls us to? The answer is both simple and profound. Those who love God above all else will love their neighbor as they love themselves.

This is a diagnostic insight into ministry relationships that every pastor needs to hear. The problem in our ministry relationships is not first that we don't love one another enough; no, the problem is that we don't love God enough, and because we don't love God enough, we don't love one another as we should. Could it be that we are so busy loving ourselves and making sure that others "love" us in the way that we want to be loved, that we have little time and energy left to love them as we should? Could it be that we are so busy working to co-opt the other into the service of our wants, needs, and feelings that we are too distracted to notice all the opportunities to love that every day gives us, and too busy making sure that we are loved to do anything about these opportunities even if we noticed them? Why does this happen? It happens because we have replaced love of God and rest in his care with love of self and the anxiety of "neediness."  Continue at Paul Tripp

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The Day I Stopped Hating my Dad – The Story of a Lost Teen

My dad took his first drink when he was 21-years old.

He took his last drink 21-years later.

In-between his first and last drink he never stopped drinking.

This may be weird to you, but I’m gonna say it: I do not know what a normal dad smells like.

My dad was not a normal dad: he smelled odd.

His breath was an amalgamated concoction of air, nicotine, and alcohol.

His skin had a gummy bear feel to it. When you rubbed his skin, it felt kinda gooey.

He was also a mean drunk. When he got drunk, he got angry and if he was not sulking in a chair, he was yelling at his children. I do not recall ever hearing the word “love” in our home.

Perhaps someone said, “I love you,” but I do not remember it. Love was not something I knew about. I had heard about it through television and rock songs, but I did not know what it really meant or how it was supposed to be lived out.

You wouldn’t know this either, but I’m gonna say this too: I never called my dad, “dad” or “father.” Even as I type the letters d-a-d, I’m reminded that those letters still seem a bit odd when I relate them to my father.

We had a nickname that we called him, but I’ll spare you that information. It took me about 10 years after he died to refer to him as “dad.” The D-word was not an appellation we used for him.

These circumstances were not unusual for me because my life was wall-to-wall dysfunction from birth until I was born the second time at twenty-five years old. To refrain from calling my dad “dad” was just part of the deal. If you don’t know any better, then it becomes the unchangeable and assumed norm.

Then he died Continue at Rick Thomas

Me Tarzan, You Jane?

Men are hunters. Women are responders.

Patti Stanger, The Millionaire Matchmaker, is famous for berating her girls to “Give him space to chase! Be the hunted!” Steve Ward, VH1 Tough Love host, explains “Men like a challenge; it’s in their nature. They love the thrill of the hunt. It’s okay to make him earn a relationship with you. If he is really interested he’ll do what it takes to see you.” Popular performer Steve Harvey, in his chapter entitled, ‘Strong, Independent and Lonely Women,’ says “If men can’t exercise two of the major components that make up who we are as men –providing and protecting-then we’re not about to profess our love for you.” He goes on to say that women who don’t need their men to be men (because the women are busy being the male in the relationship) will date perpetual boys who will use them or men who will leave them for women who are the women in relationships. Even reality TV shows like the Bachelor/ette have proven it…. When many men pursue one woman…. There is sometimes a happy ending. But when many women pursue one man…. They breakup in a few months. The entire secular world, feminists included, has come to observe that for a relationship to be successful, the man needs to be the pursuer.

Men are hunters. Women are responders. Keep Reading>>>

Why Facebook (and Your Church) Might Be Making You Sad

We’ve been warned that social media can distract us, shorten our attention spans, disconnect us from real-life relationships. Now a new study suggests that Facebook might also be making us miserable. I suspect there’s something to this, and it’s not just about Facebook. It’s about our churches.

Slate magazine cites a paper in a social psychology journal that started with an observation about how college students felt more dejected after logging on to Facebook. There was something saddening about “scrolling through others’ attractive photos, accomplished bios, and chipper status updates.” The students’ moods were darkened because they believed everyone else was happier than they are. Keep Reading>>>

A Bitter Harvest?

The Bible is very clear about three things:

1. God's way is always the best way (Psalm 119:160).
2. God's way will not always seem the best way to you (Proverb 14:12).
3. What you plant, you will harvest (Galatians 6:7ff).

In every relationship, every day you harvest what you previously planted and plant what you will someday harvest. When division and acrimony take place in a relationship, we aren't experiencing mysterious difficulty. No, sadly, we're harvesting what we have sown.

In this fallen world, where we are always sinners in relationship with sinners, one of the most beautiful and protective things God calls us to is forgiveness.  But forgiveness doesn't always look beautiful to us.  Sometimes holding onto a wrong seems to us to be a better way.  Isn't it amazing that we who rest in and celebrate the forgiveness we have been given, find forgiveness often difficult and unattractive!

Forgiveness and unforgiveness are not neutral;    each plants certain seeds and each produces a certain kind of harvest. So, it is important to consider the relationship-damaging stages of the harvest of unforgiveness. I am deeply persuaded that many, many people are in some way following this path and many of them do not know it. Continue Reading>>>

Mr. Right or Mr. Right In Front of You?

Sometimes, being single is not easy.


There is so much pressure to pair up and live happily ever after.

The world views singleness as a problem. On every TV channel, there are ads targeting the single crowd telling them that they would be happier in a relationship. An array of romantic comedies and emotional tales of true love leave single girls pulling out their hair and screaming, “Where is the one?!!” Continue Reading>>>

How Comfortable Is Your Church?

I opened the door to a freshly painted, warmly decorated church foyer. It was my first time in this rural church of less than two hundred members. People were talking together in small huddles. Some were laughing; others were listening with concern. They greeted each other with hugs. They seemed comfortable and at home with one another.
I made eye contact with a few and smiled. Some looked away; some smiled back, but none left their group of friends to greet me. I took a bulletin from the table and walked into the sanctuary…alone.
The sanctuary was beautiful. Soft music created a worshipful atmosphere. I walked half way down the aisle and sat on the end. People began to fill the pews around me. Several excused themselves to step over me, but no one talked to me. Soon the room was filled, but I felt alone.
For over a year, I attended twenty different churches with similar scenarios. I was an undercover pastor’s wife, disguised as a visitor. My mission: to observe. I chose to accept this mission in order to help my husband lead our new church family ten hours away. Dave was already there, but due to a flat housing market, I stayed in our old town trying to sell our house for almost three years. With many Sundays free, I seized the opportunity to visit other churches. Read the rest HERE

How to Build Relationally in the Local Church

HT: Competent Counseling