What’s Wrong with Our Women

We don’t have a hard time thinking of men as depraved. After all, they are responsible for the vast majority of violent crime.

• 90% of murders
• 98% of sexual assaults
• 93% of armed burglaries
• 88% of simple assaults

That’s stunning. And it might reasonably lead you to think that men are more evil, and therefore more guilty and needy before God. But the trustworthy word of God teaches us otherwise.   Continue at Marshall Segal

When Women Lust

We all know that men struggle with lust. But what about women? While it's becoming more common to hear of women's struggles with pornography use, many women still perceive that they have the moral high ground over men. Such comparisons don't help because men and women often struggle in different ways.

When a beautiful woman walks in the room or flashes on a screen or billboard, all eyes are transfixed. While men might be thinking about sex, a woman might be thinking, I wonder what it would be like to have such a body? Men want the body, women want the body. They want the body that attracts everyone. Lust can be either a strong feeling of sexual desire, or a strong desire for something.

We know when a man has sinned as he takes the body he wants through indulging in pornography or visiting a prostitute. But what does it look like for a woman to act out on her lust? She cannot take the body she desires to have, so what does she do? For the most part, her sin remains hidden. Still, there are some tell-tale signs of her sin, which I will describe in the first person because I struggle with this too.   Continue at Eowyn Stoddard

Is It Sin to Experience Same-Sex Attraction?

There is no way around it. Dealing with same-sex attraction is messy.

There are many issues that, at least on the surface, do not seem clear. Take this question, for example: Is same-sex attraction (SSA) itself sinful, and if so, how should we deal with it?

Here is my humble attempt at an answer.

Taking Our Cues from the Bible

First, note briefly three biblical observations:

1. The Bible explicitly says that impenitent homosexual acts, not homosexual desires, keep a person from inheriting the kingdom of God. “Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Corinthians 6:9–10).

2. The Bible does not seem to explicitly mention same-sex attraction. It is possible that the “dishonorable passions” in Romans 1:26 could be dealing with SSA, but it’s unclear whether this is a reference to simply experiencing an attraction, or following the attraction into active lusting.    Continue at Nick Roen

How Can I Compare to Women in Porn?

Distraught wife – I don’t watch porn, but I know my husband has viewed it from time to time. The little bit I have seen of these women makes me realize there is no way I can compare to or compete with them. What am I to do with these thoughts?

Even the television bombards my mind with their version of the perfect woman. I struggle with being insecure already, but it becomes worse when I think about how I’m in competition with women who are tens in every way.

Whenever my husband becomes angry with me, the thought goes through my mind that he will bolt for another woman if I don’t meet his needs. Even if he does not bolt, I know he satisfies himself with women who are in a league of their own. What am I to do?

• Backward Porn Addiction: When women draw attention to themselves
• When looking for porn, begin in the heart

In my view many Christian women are in a seemingly impossible situation. The external pressure from movies and television pumps their minds 24/7 about what is perfect. The dream weavers in the entertainment industry have all the tools to deliver titillating and tantalizing candy to the male ego.

Then there is the internal pressure: porn is a major and satisfying player in the male’s fantasy world. This is why the pursuer of porn women does not have to catch a real one. It’s all in his mind.

Fantasy is what makes porn so perfect for the depraved mind. All he has to do is look at the perfect woman through the Internet, while enjoying her with his mind. It’s not about being with her. It’s about thinking he is with her.   Continue at Rick Thomas

RESOURCES: Same-Sex Attraction

Here’s another resource page for your one-another discipleship counseling ministry…

BOOKS/BOOKLETS

• Coming Clean: Overcoming Lust through Biblical Accountability [free E-book] (Luke Gilkerson, Covenant Eyes)
• HELP! My Teen Is Gay (Ben Marshall)
• Hope for the Homosexual – E-book (Paul Tautges)
• It’s All About Me: The Problem with Masturbation (Winston Smith)
• Out of a Far Country: A Gay Son’s Journey to God, A Broken Mother’s Search for Hope (Christopher Yuan)
• Sexual Addiction: Freedom from Compulsive Behavior (David Powlison)
• The Bible and Homosexual Practice (Robert Gagnon)
• Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality (Wesley Hill)  See the rest HERE

Thrill of the Chaste: Our Amish Romance Fantasies

Women have always longed for the men of romance novels. In some ways,

that's what romance novels are for. The latest romance subgenre, though, has its own effects. Not only may readers of Amish fiction compare their husbands' bodies to a hunky hero like Levi Yoder, but also their own households to the bucolic, romanticized Amish life.

As I started reading these so-called bonnet-rippers, I found myself glancing across the bed at my husband, thinking:

"How come you don't lead daily Bible time with the kids?" (Never mind he does it once in a while.)

"Do you even cherish me like Christ does the church?" (Never mind he just wrote me a beautiful Mother's Day card.)

"When was the last time you took me to a barn raising and got me cold lemonade even though the Bishop said I was too young?" (Okay, that one's totally an Amish thing.)

Chapters deep into unrealistic expectations, I started feeling like my husband wasn't enough of a spiritual leader and that I wasn't enough of a hospitable, home-cooking wife. Don't get me wrong. I tried the simple life. I homeschooled our kids. I even made my own bread… once. I long for the less-hurried life, and it seems I am not alone.

Today's readers want to escape the pace of hypermodern life, and living vicariously through the lives of the Amish offers one way to do so, according to Valerie Weaver, author of Thrill of the Chaste: The Allure of Amish Romance Novels.  Continue at Angie Ryg

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Another Look at the Bikini Question

I’m probably treading on thin ice with this article. The wiser part of my conscience told me to leave this issue alone. But this subject bugs me. And I know that it is the bane of many women’s summers—the bikini question. Not just for us, but for our daughters as well.

 

Rachel Clark wrote a thoughtful article challenging women to ditch their bikinis as a sacrifice for all the men around them who cannot control themselves. I respect her decision to wear a tankini or a one piece, but I cringe at telling women that they are not modest if they wear a bikini. As soon as we make it about bikinis and tankinis, I think that we are missing the point. Sure, there are many bikinis out there that are inappropriate. But this is also the case with one-pieces and tankinis.

Is stomach exposure really the issue? Are you really making a sacrifice for the guys around you when you are wearing a flattering tankini? And let’s face it, none of us want to walk around the beach in an unflattering swimsuit. Of course, this also begs the question, If a woman looks good in her bathing suit, is that being immodest? There’s also the question that I’ve asked before, Can a man admire a beautiful woman without sexually fantasizing about her?    Continue at Aimee Byrd

Lust Battles, Facebook Fasts, Twitter Goals, and “Humble Brags”

Over the last two weeks on the Ask Pastor John podcast we talked a lot about social media, about goals for Twitter and fasting from Facebook. Pastor John also addressed creativity in communication, and the meaning and importance of Easter. We talked about the value of Bible commentaries written by women, a practical suggestion for battling lust, and how our works exceed the works of Jesus.

What follows is a list of episodes, along with quotes pulled from each recording. Click on the titles to listen.

How Jesus’s Glory Drives Creative Communication (Episode 54):

Jesus really is striking. Jesus really is amazing. Jesus really is worthy of the most wonderful — or the most surprising — ways of describing him truly. And the Holy Spirit regularly honors that effort by opening the eyes of the blind to see a truly-described Jesus.

How Do I Know If I Love the Gifts More Than the Giver? (Episode 55):

We are sinners, which means we are spring-loaded to turn gifts into alternatives to God. And so what does God do? In this age between our fall and our perfection at the second coming, he uses pleasure and pain to provide us with revelations of his goodness and to protect us from loving substitutes.

Do You Use Bible Commentaries Written by Women? (Episode 56):

The reason for saying, “I don’t permit a woman to teach or have authority over men” (1 Timothy 2:12), is not because she’s incompetent. It is not because she can’t have thoughts. In fact, the women in our church, and the woman you are married to, have many thoughts that you would do well to note and learn and learn from. And so the issue there is not she doesn’t have thoughts, the issue is how manhood and womanhood works.    Continue at Tony Reinke

Lust and Eternal Security - John Piper

This past September I spoke to the student body of Wheaton Christian High School. I took as my topic, "Ten Lessons for Fighting Lust." Lesson number 6 was, "Ponder the eternal danger of lust."

My text on that point was Matthew 5:28–29 where Jesus says, "Every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell." I pointed out that Jesus said heaven and hell are at stake in what you do with your eyes and with the thoughts of your imagination.

After the message one of the students came up to me and asked, "Are you saying, then, that a person can lose his salvation?"

This is exactly the same response I got a few years ago when I confronted a man about the adultery he was presently living in. I tried to understand his situation and I pled with him to return to his wife. Then I said, "You know Jesus says that if you don't fight this sin with the kind of seriousness that is willing to gouge out your own eye, you will go to hell and suffer there forever."

He looked at me in utter disbelief, as though he had never heard anything like this in his life, and said, "You mean you think a person can lose his salvation?"

So I have learned again and again from first hand experience that there are many professing Christians who have a view of salvation that disconnects it from real life, and that nullifies the warnings of the Bible and puts the sinning person who claims to be a Christian beyond the reach of biblical threats. And this doctrine is comforting thousands on the way to hell.

Jesus said, if you don't fight lust, you won't go to heaven.   Continue at Truth Matters

A Warped Worldview: Another Moral Effect of Pornography

The moral effects of pornography are, by now, well attested. The scourge of pornography has brought ruin and harm into the lives of millions of our friends and neighbors, destroying marriages, distorting sexuality, and poisoning minds. Even so, the pornography industrial complex continues to grow, representing one of the most lucrative segments of the Internet economy.  

 

For the most part, previous research into the effects of pornography has focused on the psychological and physiological effects of pornography exposure. Among males, exposure to pornography is associated with addictive behaviors traced to the release of chemicals in the brain, stimulating arousal and excitement. In the larger context, pornography is also associated with an exaggerated masculinity, negative attitudes toward women, and relational breakdowns due to unrealistic sexual expectations.

Pornography reduces women to objects of sexual attraction and the endless permutations of sexual behaviors available on the Internet are evidence of the insatiable desire for innovation and excitement that pornography produces. This, to a large extent, is what makes pornography such an expansive industry. Its product builds an apparently insatiable appetite for more, and then even more.   Continue at R. Albert Mohler 

See also: Adultery: When Law and Morality (used to) Agree

Dealing with Lust

They are as close as our skin, the troika of lusts described by the Apostle John: the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the boastful pride of life (1 John 2:16). These inordinate and forbidden longings of the sinner are the fountain of sin, as James points out when teaching that God does not tempt us to sin: “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death” (James 1:14–15 NASB).

The natural man is in bondage to his lusts (Rom. 3:10–18), but at our conversion, because of our union with Christ, we are delivered from the dominion of lusts: “Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its lusts, and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace” (6:12–14).

God, however, in His inscrutable wisdom, determined to leave within His converted sons and daughters a remnant of sin; and that remnant resides in the lusts. Hence, the same Apostle who announced that we are dead to the dominion of sin chronicled his struggles: “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want” (7:18–19).   Continue at Joseph Pipa

50 Shades of Porn

Pornography has traditionally been an industry that caters almost entirely to men. There have always been exceptions, of course, but it was predominantly men who bought the magazines and videos in a pre-digital age and it has been men who have made pornography a multi-billion dollar industry in the Internet age. If the industry has its way, that is about to change.

We tend to believe that men are particularly prone to the allure of pornography. Men tend to be stimulated visually, men tend to have a more prominent sex drive—we’ve heard the reasons. But consider this: What if that relationship between men and pornography is related to a very specific kind of pornography? What if women haven’t been drawn to pornography at least in part because the industry simply hasn’t attempted to create and market pornography that will appeal primarily to them? And what if that is about to change?

Women, you need to be aware because the pornographers are coming after you. Yes, you. Continue at Tim Challies

The Unnatural Sin of Homosexuality — James Boice

“Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.” – Romans 1:24-27

“For centuries [lesbianism and male homosexuality] were hardly spoken of in western society. Although some were no doubt practicing these acts, they were considered so reprehensible that a moral person not only was not to speak about them, but he or she was not even to know what such vices involved. But today? Today they are written about with explicit detail in virtually every newspaper and magazine in our land. Grade-school children discuss them. Not only are we not shocked–but we have become complacent, as if this were a natural expression of an upright spirit. . . Fornication and adultery are not ‘unnatural’ sins, for they are not against nature. Of course, they are true sins, for they break the moral law of God. They result in ‘impurity’ and in the ‘degrading’ of our bodies, as Paul says. But they are not unnatural. On the contrary, they are in one sense quite natural. They are accomplished by using one’s body in a natural way. Not so with homosexuality! 

Homosexuality is ‘unnatural,’ and it is accomplished by using one’s body in an unnatural way, that is, against nature.   Continue at Eric T. Young

THE PORN GATEWAYS

As I began to reflect on the multitude of struggles amongst my Christians peers, lust and pornography were the biggest problems that they wrestled with on a consistent basis. At first I did not understand how this possibly could be such a difficult struggle, “If they don’t go on the websites there won’t be a problem,” is what I thought. Yet time and time again as I received the late night phone call of a friend that had recently fallen into pornography, I knew that their battle against pornography and lust was taking a turn for the worst. While taking a deeper look into the heart of the sin, I noticed that people were battling their sins (of pornography and lust) at a shallow surface level, and deep at the root of the problem were “innocent” gateways sins that were feeding into their daily struggles.

WHAT IS A GATEWAY SIN?

 

The term gateway sin was adopted from a popular word that I once heard in health class called “gateway drug.” A gateway drug is defined as “a habit-forming drug, that is not addictive, but its use may lead to the use of other addictive drugs.” Alcohol and Marijuana are both labeled as gateway drugs because usage of those drugs lead its users into the abuse of other heavier addictive drugs such as cocaine, heroin, and etc. Therefore a gateway sin can be defined as “an unhealthy habit that at first seems innocent, but its continuation may lead to the indulgence of other sins.”

FACEBOOK, SOCIAL MEDIA, AND THE GATEWAY  

             

As I scrolled down the news feed on my Facebook homepage, I noticed that many of my friends, who happened to struggle with pornography, were “liking” the pictures of different girls on Facebook. Also I noticed that these guys were posting comments on multiple pictures within these girls photo albums. At first I thought this wasn’t a problem, it was only Facebook. But one day while I was hanging out with one of my friends, I saw him spending fifteen minutes going through an entire photo album of one of his female classmates from school. His face was intensely glued to the computer screen as if he were reading a suicide note, and as I started analyzing the situation I began to realize that things were beginning to add up.   Continue at Urban Gospel

Modest Expression

There have been several articles addressing the issue of modesty appearing on the Aquila Report recently. Matthew Tuininga advocates the danger of legalism, Rebecca VanDoodewaard  warns us of the deadliness of antinomianism, and one encourages all women not to wear pants. Although I agree with much of what Vandooewaard says in her article, I think her assumptions about Tuininga’s article are unfair. And banning pants from our wardrobe misses the point entirely.

Anyhow, I think the word modest itself has been hijacked to merely mean “dress code.” We’ve done a disservice to the virtue of modesty if we whittle it down to the way we dress. Our thoughts, our speech, and our behavior are also a reflection of modesty. It has to do with our humility before a holy God and our proclamation of the gospel story. I aspire to modesty, but I am careful to say that I am not actually there. Calling myself modest is kind of like calling myself humble. The Lord is still patiently working on me.

In terms of how this shows in our appearance, Mary Kassian nails it in her book, Girls Gone Wise. As honorable as it may be, our main purpose in clothing is not to curb a man’s sexual appetite. This is merely a horizontal, comparative measurement of modesty. Kassian explains:

Clothing bears witness to the fact that we have lost the glory and beauty of our original sin-free selves, It confesses that we need a covering—His [Christ’s] covering—to atone for our sin and alleviate our shame. It testifies to the fact that God solved the problem of shame permanently and decisively with the blood of His own Son. It also directs our attention forward to the time when we will be “further clothed” with spotless, imperishable garments (2 Corinthians 5:3 NKJV, Revelation 3:5).  Continue at Aimee Byrd

Modesty: Legalism, Antinomianism, or Obedience?

Over the weekend, the Aquila report linked to an article by Matthew Tuininga on modesty, which has been a hot topic for the past few years in evangelicalism. The article argued that “the problem with an issue like modesty is that one can always take a stricter, more modest position than the next person” and that in discussing modesty or enforcing certain aspects of it, we “fall into the trap of implicitly viewing women and their bodies as evils that are to be avoided or hidden”. We have all been around women who dress in a way that hides the fact that they are women; they behave as though breasts, waists, and hips are an embarrassing necessity instead of part of God’s good creation. This error is not helpful.

But neither is the error that modesty is a relative issue, that each woman can come up with her own standard. And even in conservative churches, the tendency to antinomianism when it comes to women’s clothing is just as prevalent and dangerous as legalism is. I know of a conservative, Reformed congregation where the elders decided to keep the sanctuary uncomfortably cold this summer so that women would be forced to wear cardigans instead of baring so much skin in worship. A little while ago I was speaking to a young woman from a church that is full of legalism but who looked more like a soap opera actress than a professing believer. Even for conservative Christians, immodesty is still an issue.  Continue at Rebecca VanDoodewaard

Lust & Chastity

We often think that “our day and age” differs significantly from previous eras. We tend to think that our day presents more dangerous and stubborn problems, requiring more complex and sophisticated solutions, from wiser and nobler people, namely ourselves. Someone has dubbed this attitude “chronological snobbery.” 

But one thing puts the lie to this self deception — the continuing existence and destruction of lust.

Earlier Christians wisely included lust among the deadliest sins. For lust is the impregnated parent of all forms of sin. James explained that “each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death” (James 1:14–15).

From the first stolen bite of forbidden fruit to the avaricious gaze of mall-bound window shoppers, lust has coursed through the hearts of men like the most poisonous venom. 

Lust involves any strong desire, craving, or want that opposes the holy will and command of God. Lust perverts, twists, and defiles all that is good and beautiful, and this is particularly true with sexual or carnal lust.

For example, some people today tout homosexuality as an “orientation” equal in virtue to heterosexuality. They appeal to the “love” shared between two persons of the same gender, and on that basis, contend that equality and public acceptance must be guaranteed. To some, these sexual passions are so strong as to appear innate. Moreover, we are told that homosexual desires are private, harmless to others, and beyond the censure of society.   Continue at Thabiti Anyabwile

The Look of Lust Is in Your Eyes

By Denny Burk on February 16, 2012 in Christianity

 

Hershael York is a preaching professor at Southern Seminary, and he delivered a message in chapel yesterday that is worth your time to listen to. The text is Matthew 5:27-30, and the message is titled “The Look of Lust Is in Your Eyes.” Dr. York argues, among other things, that gouging out eyes and cutting off hands may not be figural. If it comes down to it, he says that it would be better to lose the body parts than to be enslaved to sin. To put it in his terms, “Sin never can survive a cost-benefit analysis.”

 Download the audio here, or watch the video HERE.

Satan’s Schemes by George Whitefield

He is full of hatred, envy, and revenge: For what other motives could induce him to molest innocent man and woman in paradise? And why is he still so restless in his attempts to destroy us, who have done him no wrong?

He is a being of great power, as is evident in his being able to act on the imagination of our blessed Lord, so as to depict some sort of vision to Him of all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor, and all this in a moment of time. His power is also displayed in the transporting of the sacred body of our dear Savior, through the air up to the highest point of the temple; and also of his driving a herd of pigs so furiously that the whole herd rushed down a steep bank into a lake and died in the water. Yes, so great is Satan’s power, that, I do not doubt, that if God was to permit him to use his full strength, he could turn the earth upside down, or pull the sun out of its orbit.

But Satan is most known for his remarkable ability to use his cleverness against mankind. Since he is not given power from God to take us by force, he is therefore required to wait for opportunities to betray us, and to catch us by the use of deception. He, therefore, made use of the serpent, which was the most crafty of all the beasts of the field, in order to tempt our first parents; and accordingly he and his accomplices are described in the New Testament as being cunning and crafty in their deceitful scheming. In the words of our text, this morning, the Apostle says, “We are not unaware of his schemes:” thereby implying, that we are more in danger of being seduced by his system of deception, than overpowered by his strength.  Read it all HERE

The Victoria Secret Fashion Show and Christians

I’ve never seen the Victoria Secret Fashion Show, and I don’t intend to start making it a yearly ritual. But my choice is irrelevant considering millions tuned in last week to watch the annual show boasting big name entertainment and barely clothed models. Some find it repulsive and demeaning to women. But mostly, the wider culture embraces the message and gladly joins in on this party.

So why am I writing about this? The Victoria Secret Fashion Show has very little do with Christian women, right? Yes and no. While it might seem like the Victoria Secret Fashion Show is tailor-made to appeal to the interests of men, I’m surprised (and discouraged) to not only see that there are women who like it, but Christian women. And that is a troubling trend.

The issue with it isn’t so much lingerie and underwear. Nearly every major department store sells those. The issue isn’t even really about Victoria Secret as a store, even though their marketing demographic seems to be getting younger and younger. Victoria Secret makes their money selling sexy. Every ad, every fashion show, and every picture displaying their apparel promises one thing to the woman (or man) looking to purchase—buy their stuff and you won’t just feel sexy, you will be sexy. There is no problem in feeling sexy, if you are married and if the person you want to feel sexy for is your husband. But if you are 15—or even 20—and not married the last thing you should feel right now is sexy.  Keep Reading >>>